I informally interviewed a dozen married couples to find out what drew them to their spouses and what made them stick around. These 10 characteristics rose to the top.
1. Contentment. When Nathan met Kelsey, he noticed her beautiful smile and the fact that she was satisfied with her life. “She wasn’t desperate to get married,” he says. “Kelsey had two plans for life: one that included a spouse and one that did not. That told me that she was content with whatever God brought her way.”
2. Initiative. Josh found many things to love about Danielle, including her stunning auburn locks, but the thing that most caught his attention was that she was living her life with purpose. She had graduated from college and was succeeding in her career as an exhibition design assistant at a big city art museum.
“Some girls I knew were sitting around waiting for this wealthy, good-looking man to take care of them,” Josh says. “Danielle was living life to the fullest and that attracted me to her.
3. Kindness. Johanna was first attracted to Paul because of the friendliness and kindness he showed to everyone, not just her. “And I thought he was a hottie,” she adds. After they were married, Johanna discovered that Paul’s kind heart extended to financial generosity as well. “He gives way more than the standard,” she says.
4. Consistency. Kelsey knew she wanted to marry Nathan when she was grocery shopping with him for a dorm section event in college. They weren’t even dating. “I thought to myself, I could shop with Nathan for the rest of my life!” Kelsey knew Nathan for two years before they began dating. “He was consistent,” she says. “He was the same person no matter who he was around or what situation he was in.”
5. Optimism. Gavin and Jamie met while working together at the same church. “I guess it was natural I would take a second glance at someone who was my age, cute and single,” Gavin says.
But once they began dating, he discovered something else. “She’d lived through some rough times growing up (like me). Yet somehow, she’d come out on the other side with a remarkably positive attitude about life and an unshakable faith.”
6. Commitment. When Josh began attending Lindy’s church and quickly committed himself to the worship and leadership teams, Lindy was impressed. It was also a “happy coincidence” because she was on the same teams, which meant they got to see each other three times a week. Josh demonstrated the same kind of dedication as he pursued Lindy for marriage. “He’s a man of integrity who knows how to make a commitment,” she says.
7. Spiritual Passion. Krista believes God told her to marry her husband, Craig. “I quite willingly agreed!” she says. “When I was growing up, my mom told me to pray for a husband who is passionate about God. I did, and I got him! I am able to respect Craig because he listens to God and obeys His voice.”
8. Humility. Christine met her husband, Mike, via their blogs, and eventually moved to Australia to marry him. Among his many good qualities, Christine says of Mike: “He is open about his flaws and sincerely repents of his wrongs. I can see his tender heart constantly being shaped by the Holy Spirit to become more like Christ.”
Josh’s humility “really got my attention,” Danielle says. “I’d been around a lot of men who were full of pride, who never gave heartfelt apologies or thought they were wrong. Josh had a humble spirit, and I really loved that about him.” She’s discovered that this humility also allows Josh to be a good leader of their home.
9. Faith. Shy and reserved, Sarah might have never talked to Andrew if he hadn’t sat by her at a college ice cream social and struck up a conversation. But as she got to know him, she noticed his deep trust in the Lord. “I knew Andrew would make a good spouse because of his commitment to being a godly man and the way he trusted the Lord for all of his needs. That was a trust that I saw the Lord rewarding time and again as He provided exactly what we needed at the moment.”
10. Perseverance. Rebecca and her husband, Kade, had a long, difficult engagement. “I experienced so much grace, love and truth-telling,” Rebecca says. “I felt completely valued and loved in a way I never had before, and I saw Kade persevere in the challenge of relating to my parents, who didn’t like him.”
Each of the above 10 characteristics was mentioned again and again – by people who know. This list is certainly not comprehensive, but based on the fact that most of the couples interviewed have been married for between five and 10 years, these qualities seem to be good indicators not only of “mate” potential but of success in married life.
good. good. good. probably just for me today! 🙂
i really like how this was put together and its content. 🙂
I have a few other priorities on my list after 25 years of bliss; sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously; key for us.
Here’s a couple more; obedience. Not one being subservient to the other, but being obedient to God’s commandments and scripture on how to be a good/great/godly spouse.
Forgiveness. Need i say more?
Active listening and open communication.
Being single myself, I think the thing that attracts me most to women is the initiative. While they may be difficult to get to know, especially for an introvert like me, I like to see a woman who is content in her relationship status and not letting that get in the way of serving and loving the Lord.
I think about as much, I am attracted to women who are so confident in Christ that they can be themselves around me. That usually doesn’t happen, though, until they are married and the pressure to impress is off, but then it’s too late!
We are going on 13 years and I would agree with Diane: a great sense of humor and willingness to admit mistakes and laugh at oneself goes a REALLY long way.
Very good article in religious point of view. Also, read –
http://www.nonverbal-world.com/2012/04/what-we-seek-in-partner.html.
this is a great article ,for me as a lady it will help me lookout and help my husband become one
This is great
I was so thrilled when i was reading reason, because my God given partner has got most mentiioned qualities in him.He ‘s so eager to do things in God’s way rather dan the way people of the world sees things.am so blessed to have some1 like him prayn dat Christ would make a better person too
Their are some great qualities in this list.
I was in darkness but am now enlightened