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10 Secrets of spiritual fathering

If you’re like most people, you’ve never had a spiritual father. And because, as Paul says, “you don’t have many spiritual fathers,” it can seem like a mysterious subject. That’s a shame, because we need a spiritual father. They help us sort through our identity issues. They help us see the kingd…
By Seth Barnes
If you’re like most people, you’ve never had a spiritual father. And because, as Paul says, “you don’t have many spiritual fathers,” it can seem like a mysterious subject. That’s a shame, because we need a spiritual father. They help us sort through our identity issues. They help us see the kingdom and where we fit into it.
 
I personally feel as though the last third of my life is to be primarily about fathering. But I’m not interested in folks who just want a one-off from me. I’m not here to give you an “Aha!” moment and then move on. I want to know that you’ll ask questions, listen, apply what we’ve talked about and press into whatever I may have to help you. Only about 2-3% of people ever seem to do that. The rest just keep on moving on down the pike and out of my life. Not that I don’t have some great spiritual sons and daughters (a blog on the guys here).
 
Some things I’ve learned over the years about spiritual fathering:
 
1. A spiritual father will see you for who you are and will be a champion of your heart.
 
2. Fathers give their sons and daughters an inheritance. An inheritance has to do with a tribe, a ministry, and spiritual DNA. Read more about it here.
 
3. Fathers are generous with their time with their sons and daughters. They are there for them in life’s storms.
 
4. Fathers teach their sons and daughters how to live life. They help wake them up to the kingdom.
 
5. Fathers don’t give themselves the designation of “father,” sons or daughters do. Men who talk about themselves as fathers a lot probably do so out of their own need for affirmation. Be careful of them.
 
6. A son or daughter should be slow to call anyone their spiritual father. They may want to do so prematurely because of the hole in their heart, but a father must prove his faithfulness over time.
 
7. Fathers are consistent. Too many of you have suffered under inconsistent father figures. Their inconsistency can be a form of abuse.
 
8. Don’t confuse authority figures, especially your pastor, with your spiritual father. Pastors may qualify as a spiritual father if they show up in your life over time in a deeply invested and personal way.
 
9. Some of you are fortunate to have dads who have loved you well and become a spiritual father to you. Recognize that your dad is part of a rare breed of man and you are privileged. You may have other spiritual fathers, but be sure to never let that fact diminish the role of your dad in your life. Honoring your natural father for who he is and what he’s invested in you is the fifth commandment God gave his people.
 
10. To get the most from a spiritual father, you have to press into them. Don’t expect them to do all the work. Make it easy for them to invest.
 
If you’d like to learn more on this subject, Jack Frost does a great job of demystifying spiritual fathering in his book Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship. He uses his own struggle to find a father to illustrate the principles he discovered. I highly recommend reading his book.

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