Skip to main content

Do you have an orphan spirit?

John’s family looked normal. Both parents had good jobs. Sure, they’d divorced, but growing up, he had all he wanted. But inside, John didn’t feel like a priority. He felt like he had to get high grades or his parents would view him as a failure. John didn’t feel secure in his identity – his pare…
By Seth Barnes
By Seth Barnes
John’s family looked normal. Both parents had good jobs. Sure, they’d divorced, but growing up, he had all he wanted. But inside, John didn’t feel like a priority. He felt like he had to get high grades or his parents would view him as a failure. John didn’t feel secure in his identity – his parents’ love seemed conditional.
 
In short, when John left home, he felt very much alone in the world, like an orphan. To compensate, he became a consummate people-pleaser, a chameleon who could be what the situation demanded. He looked as successful as his parents, but inside, he often felt miserable.
 
Too many people may have both their parents, but leave home with an orphan spirit. They don’t feel OK and they have a scarcity mentality, scrapping for everything they can get. They believe that there isn’t enough food, there’s not enough opportunity, and not enough love to go around. And their conclusion is, “I need to fight for resources because if somebody else wins, that means I lose.”
 
It happens much more frequently than you might imagine. People with orphan spirits look normal and often are high achievers, but there’s a hole in their heart and they hunger for acceptance. But they’re plagued by orphan-like thoughts like, “Nobody loves me. I
don’t really matter. I have to perform to get attention or love.”
 
The antidote is to understand that ultimately, we are God’s children. You were given to your parents for them to steward, but after 18 years or so, you were meant to leave their home and establish your own independent life. Understand that and you’re freed to grasp how God loves you unconditionally. What you need is not someone else’s approval, but  just real experience with God. Hearing God’s voice enables you to escape the oppression of an orphan spirit.
 
Without this kind of experience, too many Christians continue to feel like John, isolated on this earth, pressured by forces beyond their control.
 
What does it mean that Jesus came to “set the captives free?” It may sound trite to Christian ears, but practically it means that he came to liberate us from the pressure of orphan thinking. He declares us OK just as we are and invites us to leave the homes and cities where we may have felt condemnation and enter a place where we’re free from the need to perform.
 
Richard Rohr summarizes the challenge before us like this:

Until you can be at home in the alternative kingdom of God, you will almost always be completely conformed to the superficial systems of this world, while calling it freedom and independence.

 
Some do it by conforming to styles and fashions of their particular group think,
while others do it by various conformities to the political correctness of either Left or Right. Some even do it by conforming to the rebellious group, but that is not freedom either.
 
Gospel freedom allows you to act from deep within, where the Holy Spirit dwells, and

not for or against any outside group.

I spent too long trying to live up to someone else’s standard of performance. It was orphan-thinking. When I got freed up and realized that God loves me unconditionally and has an unlimited supply of good gifts to give me, I began to breathe the sweet air of freedom.
 
How about you? Do you find yourself needing to perform? Do you find yourself scrapping for resources? You are not an orphan. You never were. You’re a child of the king – you need to start living in the kingdom of God.

Comments (18)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More Posts