The path forward seemed so hard. My dream was to start Adventures.org, but it seemed impossible. Karen was pregnant with our fifth child (Talia, our oldest was just 5 at the time). I had lost my job and was tired – I felt like a failure.
And there, in that place of impossibility, God whispered to me and said, “Don’t grow weary in doing good.” What could I do but continue to place one foot in front of another? I built an office in our garage. Every day I got up early and continued working long after the family had gone to bed.
The following summer, the work paid off – I had a long line of youth pastors asking to partner with me. But I didn’t have much of a staff, so I had to lead four projects in Mexico back-to-back. It meant leaving home for a month. Karen would have to handle the family by herself.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed and sad to leave for so long. I made a video for the kids so they wouldn’t forget me.
Neighbors saw our crazy life and pitched in by mowing the lawn.
The projects in Mexico involved building homes for the poorest of the poor in the slums of Reynosa – “widows and orphans in their distress.”* Lumber had to be cut in advance and transported across the border. Every week, new groups showed up. They had to be prepared. They needed translators and venues for everything. Lists and lists – so many details to attend to!
But, in a way, my life had prepared me for this. I’d been a wrestler. I’d been an entrepreneur. I’d been a missionary. Each role taught me that if I didn’t do the work, no one else would. I learned to face into hard work.
Too many young people have not been trusted with hard things. So when life gets hard, they wish they had been better prepared.
The good news is, it’s not too late to help – so what can we do? Three ideas:
1. Give Them Agency
We thrive when we feel a sense of control over our lives. Provide your kids with age-appropriate choices and responsibilities. Let them decide what to wear, what after-school activities to pursue, or how to arrange their room. Offer them opportunities to try new things, even if there’s a risk of failure. This approach builds confidence and teaches them that their decisions matter.
2. Let Them Feel Pain
It’s natural to want to shield our children from discomfort, but God gave us pain to teach us. We need to feel it to learn. When someone you love faces failure, resist the urge to immediately comfort them. Instead, let them sit with pain and learn what it has to teach them.
3. Don’t Rescue Them
When your child encounters a challenge, it’s tempting to swoop in and solve the problem. Better to encourage them, “This is tough, but I believe you can handle it,” or “What do you think you could try next?” This approach shows your faith in their abilities and motivates them to persevere.
Trust them with pain
Yes, pain is hard, but when we experience pain, we build resilience and grow in our capacity to do hard things. Our world needs people who have had to push beyond their perceived limitations. Your children and those you lead deserve the chance to learn resilience. It’s time to trust them with pain.
What has been your experience doing hard things? Did your parents trust you with pain? How has it impacted your leadership?
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Wished I’d had this wisdom 50 years ago!!
I’ll bet you probably had a lot of it, Joseph. Your gang turned out pretty good!
This is the message I needed, in so many ways, to start my week. Thank you. love, charlie
I’m glad to hear that – it encourages me. I think, “If Charlie, who has accomplished so much and worked so hard struggles at times, then maybe there’s hope for me.”
All good advice.
All true Seth. Beautiful family picture.
Seth, this is practical and reflects wisdom borne of the many times you have shown God-birthed tenacity and resilience. l have known you, Karen and your precious family across the mile markers and it’s with joy this Thanksgiving 2024 how much you’re loved.
Butch
Thank you, Butch. I’m so thankful that I still get to do hard things and haven’t been seduced to just “park it“ and relax into some kind of retirement. So much more fun to build the kingdom of God.
YES and AMEN. Love this, Seth! Thanks for pioneering the way for so many of us. We, and our families, are incredibly thankful!
You’re welcome, Katie. I love watching you and Bill as you lead your family and others to reach the least of these in Jesus‘s name. Your example is so inspiring.
Very grateful for the forerunner in the faith you have been. I am slowly realizing with the college students we steward as well as our own growing kiddos that this wisdom is so necessary.
Nate – one of my favorite things to do is to see young leaders like you go to new levels of responsibility and authority! We need your leadership!