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God sometimes breaks your heart

A number of years ago I wrote a book that I’ve never published. It’s called “Revolution of the Broken Heart.” It’s a book of stories about how God breaks our heart to make it look more like his own heart.I’ve studied how he does it in so many people over the years. It’s usually a confusing an…
By Seth Barnes

A number of years ago I wrote a book that I’ve never published. It’s called “Revolution of the Broken Heart.” It’s a book of stories about how God breaks our heart to make it look more like his own heart.I’ve studied how he does it in so many people over the years. It’s usually a confusing and frustrating process. You feel overwhelmed and inadequate for what he’s asking you to do.  But it’s in that spot of brokenness that you become truly useful to him.
Because we don’t like being broken and tend to resist it, even when we can see God working, we need to take a deeper look at the process so that we can recognize it and not get in God’s way so much. All the thrashing about we do just delays things.
It’s a process that Katie Rowland, a racer on our team has been going through.  Here’s her blog about it (written while she was in Swaziland). I found it moving.
It’s all I know anymore…




Paul wrote in Galatians, “May I never boast except in the cross of our
Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me,
and I to the world.”


I think Swaziland is showing me a little bit of what he meant.



I have nothing to boast of anymore; nothing to offer anymore; no
answers anymore; nothing but the the love and sacrifice of my Saviour.
It’s all I know anymore…His love surpasses all, even the suffering of
the people of Swaziland. And though they’re suffering, their names are
written upon the heart of God.




Swaziland is wrecking my heart. It’s totaled; there’s too much need and pain here to be able to walk away unscathed.




During the day when I’m out doing ministry (playing with kids,
delivering food, visiting families, shooting photos and videos) somehow
I’m OK–through the doing, God keeps me going, keeps me focused….But
when I’m back at the campsite, in the evenings or the mornings, I feel
constantly on the verge of tears, seemingly incapable of real
thought…capable only of action and reaction to whatever’s going on
around me.



Out in Nsoko among the orphans and the go-go’s, all I can offer anymore
is to lift my camera and press the shutter or hit record. I haven’t the
words to capture their pain or the depth of their eyes. My camera and
lack of training doesn’t capture it, either, but it’s my only weapon to
battle alongside them.



What am I to do in the face of hunger, hopelessness, disease,
malnutrition, poverty, unquenched thirst, childhood innocence robbed?



All I know anymore is the name of Jesus, and I cling to a faith of
desperation on behalf of the suffering. I walk along smiling and
laughing with the kids, playing hand-slap games and belly-poking games,
but in my soul I’m crying out to the Lord, asking for His mercy on this
community, for his provision for their basic needs, his healing for
their diseases–including HIV.



At moments, I just wish Jesus would come back in all His Kingly splendor to end the suffering and sighing of the people.




I cannot ignore it anymore. I’ve held its children in my arms,
whispering prayers over them, telling them in a language they don’t
know that Jesus loves them.


Will anyone hear and see the pain of these suffering as I share this
experience? Will their hearts be stirred with emotion, or even better,
stirred to action? Will this photo or that video be enough to
communicate that something must be done NOW, there’s a world
desperately dying, and Christ and His people on earth are the ones
responsible for reaching them?




Whatever happens…all I know anymore is the name of Jesus Christ. All
I know anymore is His great love for the world…and for the children
of Swaziland.




“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,
through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”

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