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How Do I Get Over My Father Wound?

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My dad is paralyzed and is slowly dying in a nursing home. I’m his primary caregiver and see him almost every day. But our relationship has been hard and complicated. I don’t like to re-visit that time in my life when as a teenager, I thought I was better off dead. My dad loved me, but he didn’t…
By Seth Barnes

My dad is paralyzed and is slowly dying in a nursing home. I’m his primary caregiver and see him almost every day. But our relationship has been hard and complicated.

I don’t like to re-visit that time in my life when as a teenager, I thought I was better off dead. My dad loved me, but he didn’t understand me and we didn’t talk except when his anger spilled over. 

And that father wound didn’t heal for a long time. I was so happy to get out of our house and start living my life. I didn’t go to counseling or get inner healing, but I felt free to start living. Years later dad reached out to me and that’s when I began to heal.

And years after that, I began to ask the question, “So where did my dad’s father wound come from?” And when I discovered that all his life he’d had to deal with his own daddy issues, it helped me to stop being a victim.

Father wounds. Almost all of us have one. So many fathers have gone AWOL from the job or have botched it up.

How do we get over our father wound? I don’t know. It’s a huge issue and your story is unique. The issue of father wounds underscores many of the big societal problems we’ve got. Our toxic political climate, race relations, and even issues like poor education find their roots in fathers who hurt their kids when they were most vulnerable.

I thought I’d open-source this question asking you to help answer it by sharing how you began to heal.

All I can tell you is that if you had a father who didn’t hurt you in some deep, scarring way, you are in the fortunate minority. Most of us have a story. And telling that story is the first step in beginning to heal.

So, what’s your story? And where are you in the healing process? Not only does telling our story kickstart the healing process, it shows others that they’re not alone and encourages them to tell their own story.

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