Hurt people hurt people – the zombie phenomenon
I was sitting at a bar ordering lunch at a restaurant in a small airport in Texas when the lady behind the counter accosted me: “Whaddya want?”
She was about 65 and proudly described herself as the word that means female dog. She was rough and had a foul mouth. I could tell she’d been beaten up by life.
I don’t know if you’ve heard this phrase, “hurt people hurt people” before, but it refers to the phenomenon that when you’ve been hurt, you have a tendency to lash out and hurt others.
In the movies, it works by the same ghastly mechanism that causes zombies to multiply. Regular people attacked by zombies themselves become the very thing they were fighting against.
It’s sad and horrible phenomenon. It’s why children who have been abused themselves become abusers. It’s why children whose parents rage and throw things themselves develop tempers.
It may explain things you find broken in yourself. The biblical basis is Exodus 34:7, which describes how God will visit the consequences of sin to the third and fourth generation.
Practically, what happens is that the wounds we receive when we are most vulnerable become access points for evil in the same way that a physical wound can become infected. And many of these “spiritual infections” never heal. They are tender to the touch.
Understanding this phenomenon, we as wounded healers should respond with grace and intercession. When we encounter rude people, we don’t excuse the rudeness, but we recognize that the behavior is probably protecting a wound that needs ministry.
I told the bar maid that her real identity was as a loving grandmother who played with her grandkids and then I helped her clear counters. She looked like a different person when I left.
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Having worked with abused children, who later became adults…I realize that we are called to be repairers of the broken(hearts) down walls. Most of the time I find that when I am not responding as Christ healin when a person acts badly, it is because my own broken walls are crying out to be repaired. Yea, let us be those who truly pour in the oil and wine, and pay the price for the recovery of whosoever we meet on the Jericho Road.
God has us right where He wants us.
Failure is God’s tool to deconstruct our ego. Our egos guard the periphery of our inner lives, preventing us from taking anything more than a passing glance towards the care of our being.
Looking inward, we see the tell-tale signs of selfishness and the brokenness it has produced. We’re forced to reconcile the idealized ego-interpreted version of ourselves with the reality of motives and actions that are self-serving.
Failure is a big reality check. It tells me, “I’m not really in control here. In fact, I need more help then I realized.” Failure forces us back to the posture of dependence – dependence on God and on others. It gives us the perspective of thankfulness for small blessings. It makes us more accessible to others and therefore more loveable. It strips away pretense and leads us along the difficult inner path to self-knowledge which so few dare to tread in this age of distraction and glossy self promotion.