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Losing and mourning your mom

Laine Armour lost her mother last month. Her blog post about how she processed her mom's passing was searingly honest. As she shares, it shook her to the core. "After I got the news, two days into my second month, I went to my room and I prayed and asked God to comfort me like He has …
By Seth Barnes
By Seth Barnes

Laine Armour lost her mother last month. Her blog post about how she processed her mom's passing was searingly honest. As she shares, it shook her to the core.

"After I got the news, two days into my second month, I went to my room and I prayed and asked God to comfort me like He has never before. That His physical presence would be so thick around me I would feel His arms as if they were human arms wrapped around me."

She went on to say, "It is important to know that I am not angry. I was incredibly blessed by an amazing mom who taught me so much about life and our purpose here before heaven. Life is not about what you’re good at, what you accomplish, success even if it’s achieving happiness, no life is about how we glorify God through impacting the hearts of the people we leave behind."

Reading Laine's post was moving – all the more so to hear that her mom had been reading my book Kingdom Journeys just before she passed.

But it was good to know that she "had been preparing to say goodbye to her for the past 6 months due to this trip."

Laine flew to the funeral and then flew back to her squad and is currently ministering with them in Swaziland.

"I know she is proud of me," Laine says, "I know it was in God’s timing because after talking with her friends, they said she had been experiencing God’s love like she never had before, and with that I know that it was just time. God said there’s no reason for you to endure this broken world any longer and it’s time to come home. So on October 2nd 2012 she went to sleep that night and woke up in the presence of her Lord and savior."

My mom is still alive, though she has lived a long, fruitful life. Reading this makes me want to appreciate her all the more. Losing a mom can be so traumatic. Have you lost your mom? How have you mourned her passing?

Comments (19)

  • Dear Daddy Seth.
    I am really blessed and learnt by this article.I will share her story with my family .Becasue this is very encouraging for us. As you know daddy both they are in Heavan now.Dear Laine we will be praying for you.God is good God and He is always with us.
    God bless you.
    Your son in Christ.
    Emmanuel Sadiq

  • Lori Jandrlich Forrester

    Thank you for sharing this, Seth. Your book, Kingdom Journeys, was so helpful in understanding what our children experience throughout The World Race and gave me such a sense of peace so to hear that Laine’s mother read your book is very comforting. Aside from the love of God, there’s nothing like the love of a mother. I miss mine every day and I pray that God continues to cradle Laine in His arms. So happy that she is surrounded by loving Christians and sharing God’s love.

  • Thanks for sharing this Seth. My mom died just before my 12th birthday. I had to move on and be okay so fast that I had no time to grieve, and ended up believing God was a God who inflicted pain as constant tests of our trust. It took until the Race for me to receive healing and realize that He was a good Daddy who wept alongside me in that room. Picturing him there in the room with us that night brought so much healing. I now see it as a blessing to have literally watched my mom smile and get wide eyed during her last moments on earth – I believe as she saw her Savior. God’s good!

  • Emmanuel and Stephanie,

    How wonderful to have the assurance of God caring for your mother and welcoming her into his presence.

  • This was touching. We will all lose our parents and our children will lose us. It is the cycle of life.

    That is why it is so important to honor them in the “land of the living” and with passion.

  • Wow!!! What a timely post..praise God. My precious mum passed on to Glory just last month too. She was ready and prepared to meet her Lord…She is in heaven now with her King…..Hallelluyah

  • My mom died when I was 25, my first semester of college had just ended. My relationship with my mom had not always been good, but the last few years I was growing up and learning to love her more. When I got the phone call, I cried for a few minutes and then shoved it all inside so I could focus on getting to the airport to fly home. My first coherent thought was that I thanked God for the healing he’d been working in our relationship and that I was able to say I had no regrets, no thoughts of “I wish I had…” Later that summer, we took a boat out on Lake Superior and spread my mom’s ashes. It was a beautiful summer day and we spent time in the Word as we each let out a handful of ashes. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and a feeling that everything was right. A few days after she died, evidence came out of an affair my mom had. My parents had been getting counseling for the past 2 years, but this one my dad didn’t know about. Now I had a mix of feelings, anger at my mom, but more hurt than anything. I still loved her, but I could not resolve this as she was gone. I began doubting whether she was really in the presence of Jesus. Every time I go back to the beach where her ashes are spread, that place becomes a place of great peace and serenity for me. As I swim out in the lake, I think that I feel much like Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump might have felt when he finally made his peace with God. All that to say- I think the biggest help for me in dealing with the grief is that I have the opportunity to be a part of laying the body to rest, whether that is spreading the ashes or being a pallbearer at the funeral.

  • Matt – Thanks for sharing. There’s a good movie called “The Way” that is about this process of peace in the wake of great grief.

  • My mother died in September 2012. Suddenly. Unexpected. Although I had a complicated, but honest, open and fun relationship with her. My feelings range from that if feeling comfort, knowing she always put God first in everything. Reassured that she advocated the same to me.
    Anger that she left suddenly. A constant in my life as most Mothers are. She was gone, my champion and critic. I agree with some of the moments that your childhood goes when you Mother goes, but luckily for me I was inquisitive and asked question during our relationship. As. Mentioned open and honest. Whilst clearing her home I found a number of bibles, all of which had verses earmarked. I have been encouraged to read them, as a result I have now started at bible study classes. The life lessons she taught me always led to God. I miss her deeply and have felt lonely, isolated and a loss of my identity. But have also felt comforted that she s at peace, at rest with her saviour Lord Jesus. She still guides me spiritually. I draw strength from the relationship we had and from God.

  • I lost my mom the 19th of february. I was the only one there not only was she my mom she is my best friend more like sister. I was the first one to start CPR on her. The last thing she said was CATHY 3 times and I LOVE YOU. Does anyone know how to deal with something like that. Her passing was not expected and was a shock. Everytime I close my eyes I see her face right when she 1st passed. What can I do Icant eat am staying sick just ready to give up. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. As I said Mom, Sister,Best Friend all in one.

  • Hi there Cathy? I would want to say don’t give up but rather be joyful that the final passing of such a wonderful mum happened in your very presence plus you get the last opportunity of her calling out to you during her last breath telling you “I LOVE YOU” That should be the most beautiful thing that ever happened to you Cathy cos am sure all your mum wanted you to know is she really and truly does love you. What awesome!!! Be encouraged and bless God for her beautiful life and your relationship with her which was a wonderful one. I know it is hard but be grateful to God for an opportunity of a life time holding on to those fantastic words she left you with. And so i pray Lord that you would wrap your able arms around Cathy that she may know you are there for her as she continue to feel your Love Father God. Thank you Lord in Jesus Name.Amen

  • Hey Cathy,

    My heart breaks for you. I too was with my mom when she died. Few things are more heartbreaking. You asked if anyone knows how to deal with something like that. I wish there was an easy answer. While we can indeed find strength in the Lord, striving to “be strong” masks true wounds, therefore preventing true healing. Losing someone you love isn’t just a wound though, it’s an amputation. A wound can be stitched up, but an amputation means something is missing. Something irreplaceable. But an amputee must learn to still live life, even with something missing. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Deeply. But in an amazing, incomprehensible way, God is faithful. He cries alongside you, and he wants to restore your heart. He wants to breathe life where there has been death. He has not forgotten about you, and he promises to take care of you. He wants to restore your picture of her from her death to her life. The devil has come to kill, steal, and destroy, and sometimes he does just that. But God loves you so much that he wants to give life to and restore your heart. I’m so so sorry that you lost your mom. It breaks my heart. And it breaks God’s. Don’t give up. He has not left your side, even for a second.

  • thank you, my mom fell on mothers day 2013, and passed away 4 days later, she was my mom and best friend,

  • Yes Laine, I have lost my mother. My grandmother raised me and she died in 2004 and my real mother I havent seen in 26 years. I just cant find her.i dont even know her social. I still grieve over my Grandmother. And my Real father died when I was in the third grade.. I have only two aunts left in my family and they dont even call me. I am very much alone, and ive been having a hard time dealing with it all still to this day

  • I dont know you but I can assure u my heart goes to you.. I to lost my grandmother which was my mother and best friend. I too am here for u any way

    • Hi Cathy,

      It’s been nine years and two days since you lost your mom. She was your best friend. And the way that she went – what she said as she went – was so impactful I wanted to check back and see how you’re doing. Were you able to process her passing and get to peace? Did anyone help you? I don’t know if this message will get to you, but I felt compelled to reach out and see if you’re OK.

  • I was beside our mom as she left us on 4/12/2014. That was the hardest thing to witness but I would not have wanted to be anywhere else at that moment. I know she is at peace now with no more pain or struggle to breathe.I just feel numb, like this is all a dream. I have cried but I haven’t grieved like I should, I can’t. I loved our mother very much and I know she loved me, she told me so several times in the hospital and while she was in the Hospice House. I also know that she is watching over us now.I just can’t believe she’s really gone.Our mother was the best and I’m glad God chose her to be mine.

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Seth Barnes

I'm motivated to join God in his global reclamation project. He's on the move, setting his sons and daughters free from their places of captivity. And he's partnering with those of us who have been freed to go and free others.

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