I was never popular in high school, but I was very aware of the social order and the categories that I didn’t fit in. “Hmmm, let’s see, not going to run for student council. Not a member of the cool crowd. A jock, but not a superstar. Smart, but not valedictorian. Etc.”
It was a bad time of life. I was depressed and felt geeky and misunderstood. In fact, I couldn’t understand my own self. A cloud of inadequacy seemed to hover over me; I didn’t dare risk failure.
Somewhere along the way I heard that one of the popular girls at Rock Bridge High School liked me. I couldn’t believe it. But I also couldn’t bear the potential rejection if somehow the rumor was wrong.
Seth Godin made this great point that got me thinking about the subject:
“Popular rarely correlates with guts, hard work or a willingness to lead (and be willing to be wrong along the way)…Worth considering is the value of losing school elections and other popularity contests. Losing reminds you that the opinion of unaffiliated strangers is worthless. They don’t know you, they’re not interested in what you have to offer and you can discover that their rejection actually means nothing.
When you focus on delighting an audience you care about, you strip the masses of their power.”
If you were to track Jesus’ popularity, you would see wild swings in the graph. And you would see that it didn’t bother him a bit. “Let the dead bury the dead,” he said dismissively of someone who valued the opinion of others too much. “What is that to you?” He challenged Peter when Peter became too inquisitive about John’s future.
Here’s the bottom line: We play to an audience of one. I may not have made the grade in high school, but then thankfully the tyranny of that epoch is over. Now all I want to hear is the master’s approval at the end of my life.
What about you – whose opinion do you really care about?
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Seth Barnes
I'm motivated to join God in his global reclamation project. He's on the move, setting his sons and daughters free from their places of captivity. And he's partnering with those of us who have been freed to go and free others.
Hey friend…This is stellar. And as a guy who had seasons of life where popularity was evident I have learned that all those puffy promised relationships vanish eventually. I love and respect you Seth. Just lost a friend a few days ago after his cancer battle. It made me more determined than ever to end well. I know that is your heart too.
That was me, too – stuck somewhere in between two extremes. My sense is that most people live in that place, because those caricatures are given to us by movies and pop culture. They don’t exist. Real people are complex and complicated; they cannot be pigeonholed.
What happened with the girl?
I totally relate to this post. Great truth!
About the girl: Her name was Tonya Waits. I knew her from youth group. She was going out with our All-State halfback on the football team (his name was John Massey, I think).
I don’t know if they ever broke up.
love this one!!thank you..
I knew when I read this post who the girl was :). Then I thought what an odd thing to remember. But time showed she was not the one for you…
Hi Nancy. Funny to debrief this with you on my blog all these years later! Yeah, it’s interesting how life takes these odd twists and turns. I’m thankful to the Lord for the way it turned out. In an odd way, that situation was an encouragement. Just to know that another human being liked me when I was doubting myself brought me hope.