What do you say to a dying friend?
I have a friend who has a terminal
illness. He’s also had great
successes, working as a minister of the gospel, leading many to Christ, serving
as the dean of a large college, and owning his own successful
business.
He’s loved God and
hated God, and he’s had good reason to do both.
At the end of the day, I
believe he’d trade it all for a few friends who loved him well. Wouldn’t we all?
Why is it that we struggle so to find people we can share our deepest stuff with? Why do we run from people in pain instead of embracing them?
So many of the words that
we Christians are taught to say sound glib and hollow when said to someone in a
situation like my friend’s.
What would Jesus say to such a man? It’s past
midnight on the East Coast tonight, and I’m asking the Lord that question.
Here is the advice that a friend gave me:
“Be there. Hold his hand. Don’t feel the need to say anything profound, unless God
lays something specific on your heart. Maybe you can even talk about what he’s
going to get to experience before you – the joys of heaven and seeing our
Father.”
What would you do?
For more on how to serve those passing away, check out: Helping Loved Ones Die Well
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Have you discerned what God’s will is about healing your friend? If you haven’t done so, ask God to tell you whether or not you can pray for healing for this man. Maybe you’ve already done this and don’t have peace about praying for his physical healing.
thanks for checking in about it, Laurie. We’ve prayed so much for healing over the years, but to be frank, I don’t know what God’s will is now. I wish I did. I’ve got some friends that believed God for healing of their 11 year-old boy right up until the time of his passing. And a friend of theirs pushed them to trust God for healing all the way. It’s a tough issue. We have believed God for the healing of our daughter for years at the same time as we’ve seen many others be healed.
Having said that, I will pray again for the Lord’s will on the matter – thank you for pushing me.
The thing is that I don’t know if you are supposed to do anything at all except love your friend straight to the Kingdom. The Word says that we will have trials and tribulations and we will die; the key is to pray for the strength to go “thru” these difficult times, for him and you. I think your friend already gave you the best advice anyone could. Just continue to love him and affirm the quality of your lasting relationship throughout the years. If God wants to do a miracle through healing, – He will. I will be praying for you to discern what God’s motives are. No answer is an answer. How dear it is to have a friend that has no expectations.
I agree that praying for discernment is key. As far as praying for healing, when I don’t know what to do I tend to fall back on a pattern I see when Mary and Martha send for Jesus as Lazarus is dying. Their message to him is “Lord, the one You love is sick.” When I don’t know how to pray regarding healing, I can always pray that: “Lord, the one you love is sick.” I wonder at times if that is a “wimpy” middle ground, but there are times when it brings real peace. One other thing has stuck with me for years – a friend whose father was dying told me that her father really wanted to talk about heaven but every time he would try to talk about dying (as if it wasn’t the most horrible outcome in the world), the people visiting him tended to push him to have faith that he would be healed. And yet, he really wanted to talk about the very real possibility that he was going to get to see Jesus very soon. Mixed with the sorrow of leaving behind friends and family was a very real conviction that what we all say we believe was really true – that seeing Jesus face to face will be incredible and good and healing.
When my husband was told he had terimal lung cancer, of course, there was shock and angry, later came the accepting of the things we could not change. Although, we had hope until the end,when the fear became overwheming, I hit my knees one night and prayed for God to give me the strengh to do what I had to do for my husband one day at a time. When I awoke the next morning, His peace was with me and for the next three months, I just loved my husband and held his hand until the end, God was always there with us and there was peace all around us. God helps those who ask. I just have to remember that always, He is in charge, not me, he doesn’t need my help, I need His. I have had serveral friends who have had to tell me that they have cancer too-so for me, I pray for the knowledge of God’s will for them and myself and the power to carry that out-those prayers always bring peace and love. When I lost my beautiful step-daughter in the Oklahome City bombing, a year after her father died, I was on vacation in Florida visiting my son. After a day at Universial Studios, I found out about the bombing when we returned to the hotel. So, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, I prayed and waited. The next morning I returned to Oklahoma City and waited for five more days, she was one of the last found. Had it not been for my belief that God is always in charge, and that when horrible things, done my man, happen to each and everyone one of us, it is not God’s will, they happen because of the actions and decision’s that mankind make without asking for God’s guidence. Having lived through such difficult times, with the love of God always around me, I can only share with you that God aways answer’s knee mail. God is Love! The serenity prayers is my favorit prayer-God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.
Shirley,
your moving testimony reminded me of the following letter from Lincoln. Thanks so much for sharing. – seth
Nov. 21, 1864
Dear Madam,
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.
I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.
I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom. Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,
Abraham Lincoln
My aunt Sita is dying and my family really hope that other people could just say a little’ God bless’ or something so. I’m begging, I recently lost my grandfather, please help us pray for her. Ican’t lose another relative especally at Cristmas time. If I, an eleven year old can say a little pray, why can’t you? Please help us pray for her.
I am looking for answers myself, I have pen friend from another country who has suffered very much during her lifetime, we have become like sisters believe it or not, and now she is nearing death due to cancer, today she broke down and shared her fears with me as it is to hard for her to do with her husband and children who I’m sure she is trying to protect. I tell her every day that I love her and I do, she just wants someone who she can share with, with out judging her, today talking with her was different, she’s tired and afraid. I liked what you said about talking about what her experience may be when she gets home before we do, she is open to talking about that and I will talk more about that with her. I was afraid I was wrong to tell her she is on a new journey and a new and wonderful adventure but I think she is, as much as we that love her will miss her when she goes. She only wants our support and understanding because some days she feels awful and angrey, just someone to listen to her and she is tired of people telling her to be brave and strong, I have told her we will live moment to moment now. She is sad that she can’t feel like a mother or be a wife who is there for her husband both emotionaly and phycicaly. I tell her he understands and she knows this but needs to express it to someone. I’m just going to be there for her and she may say what she needs to and I will listen and tell her I love her. Prayers of love and Blessing to you all. Thanks for your ear.
“…thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven..” Pray that we understand this recognition.
My friend, father-figure and mentor is dying of liver failure. I’m going to say goodbye to him tonight.
“God please give me the words to say, please use me to help bring your love and peace to him and his family. I will sing of your love for him, and your desire to meet him face to face. I will remind him that I can not question how, or why, but only trust in Gods will. I will witness to him, and pray that he calls on your name to be saved so we may meet again in the morning. I will encourage his faith, and state my own. Please, Heavenly father, be with him and give me the words, your words… I am a vessel for your love and spirit.”
Wow, so many needs! To all of you who commented in for prayer, you are in my thoughts. But people need to die. The thing is, I think we ought to pray for those who have not been saved that they may be healed and have another chance. As for those who are saved, we ought to pray that we can let them go. Still, it is very hard. But before new life comes death, and what a mighty work it is that Jesus will prepare a better place for his better people once they’ve been raised. Right now we live in a fallen world. I’ll admit that sometimes i want to stay here forever whenI get caught up in the world’s pleasures if that is what they are, but i know heaven awaits for us who are saved, so we ought to look forward to it. I have much more i wish i could say, but can’t find the words. God’s love and mine are with you all.
Two things. First, i realize this is three years ago. perhaps many things have changed and God is intervening in the situation. even so, you are all in my thoughts and I will try to pray for you as i am able. Secondly, I want to know, seth, if your friend lived?
My buddy is dying slowly of congestive heart failure. The doctors aren’t being honest with him, but dying is obvious since they’re using drugs reserved for last ditch attempts. His nurse agrees that he should be told so he will cooperate more with treatment.
My problem is how do I tell him? He’s in end stage heart failure. It could happen at any time. My daughter says he might resent me if I’m the one to tell him. So, what do I do?
Larry… I think that you should pray for the courage to tell him. I don’t think that he will resent you… but if he knows he’s going to die soon maybe he can make peace with God and his situation. Is your buddy saved?
My brother in law is dying right now. I love him very much. He is my best friend. I feel so sorry for him and my sister. The insurance company wouldn’t pay for a lung transplant. I pray his suffering ends. I pray for my sister not to suffer. I wish a miracle would happen and he would be cured. I have always had most of my prayers answered, I almost feel like I ask too much. I ask Jesus to ask
God the father to end the suffering of my sister and brother in law (he is so close I always referred to him as my brother) I thank God for all my prayers he has answered. If it’s not too much to ask, I would love to have a miracle here. I know that God can do it I pray He does. Our Father who art in heaven hallow be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil AMEN
Hail Mary full of grace the lord is with thee Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus Holy Mary mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. May the sacred heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, and loved throughout the world for ever For thine is the kingdom power and glory for ever and ever thru Christ our Lord AMEN I pray these prays for Joey and Lin who I love very much and promise to spend the rest of my life spreading your word dear Lord
My uncle (by marriage) is dying right now and I have been taking in all the advice from my Godly Christian friends about how to approach him (if at all) before he actually passes. I have prayed for him on and off throughout my life. To say he was a “frozen” man is the understatement of the universe. I am asking for prayers because I don’t know if he’ll even make it through the weekend and I can’t stand not having God’s peace about him or even about my feelings towards him (which are more bad than good believe me!). Please pray for Branko (him), Mary (my aunt), and for me (Mary also). Thank you!
My uncle (by marriage) is dying right now and I have been taking in all the advice from my Godly Christian friends about how to approach him (if at all) before he actually passes. I have prayed for him on and off throughout my life. To say he was a “frozen” man is the understatement of the universe. I am asking for prayers because I don’t know if he’ll even make it through the weekend and I can’t stand not having God’s peace about him or even about my feelings towards him (which are more bad than good believe me!). Please pray for Branko (him), Mary (my aunt), and for me (Mary also). Thank you!
Just as a follow up to my last post…I did go see my uncle this past Saturday and again today (Monday) at the hospital. Thank you everyone who prayed for him/my aunt/me since reading that post. God gave me the ability to go into his hospital room and see him as God sees him. Very humbling for sure. I have never seen my uncle cry at all in my lifetime; he cried both times I have been to see him. He allowed me to pray with him and for him on Saturday; I feel tremendous peace over his entire situation. Thank you all so much! God is awesome and in control, that’s for sure. Romans 8:28 also. My signature scripture verse. I don’t know how much time he has left, but I know now that he “gets it”; finally he “gets it”. Mary
Shirley I have a great admiration for the courage you have but the most important for your great faith in God you have. You are right the bible in James 4:8 saids “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.”But he also talks about a hope we should all have in 1 John 5:28, 29 it talks about how our love ones will soon be resurrected. Sometimes we wonder why Bad things happen to good people? Or Why do we die? Or even what happens when we die? Well I invite you to check our website at jw.org where you could find answers to some of your questions or simply make your relationship with our God Jehovah stronger.
Its all well and good for those of you that have found piece one way or the other in your life about someone you know dieing or someone else in their elder years loosing what memory they had and just not knowing anything anymore,I am a sinner,I believe in God,but sometimes I wonder what hes doing,I am sure he has a reason for everything he does,but it does not comfort me or anyone else who is about to loose someone they have truly loved,it changes your life,its never the same and no matter what anyone else says or does it cannot remove the dead place in your heart.
William, I pray that the Lord meets you in that hard place you are in.
testing
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hello nan i really wanted you to stay alive i really love you a lot and i really miss you a lot sense now your already dead now so i was gonna tell you about what happened out side
of the grave were you were but out and up a little bit further a lady left the grave and when me and my dad we saw the lady that left the grave anyway on the side of the road
there was a wallaby with a broken back and just on the edge of the road there was some blood there
thanks nan
lots of love to you.