What permission do you need?
When we were kids, if our parents do a good job of raising us, they taught us to ask permission. Sadly, a lot of spoiled children out there have not been given this gift. They are grabby and self-willed. They’ve not been taught boundaries and perpetually seem to be violating someone’s boundaries….
By Seth Barnes
When we were kids, if our parents do a good job of raising us, they taught us to ask permission. Sadly, a lot of spoiled children out there have not been given this gift. They are grabby and self-willed. They’ve not been taught boundaries and perpetually seem to be violating someone’s boundaries.
The permission we ask for increases in weight as the authority we’re needing at each new level of maturity grows:
Kid: “Mommy, may I have a cookie?”Teenager: “Dad, may I borrow the car?”Adult: “Sir, may I ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage?”
Now a whole generation of young adults needs four kinds of permission if they are ever to grow into their potential. Here are some notes from a talk I gave on the subject.
1. Permission to come aboard
- You’re a child of the king – that’s your identity.
- You were made to destroy the works of evil – a warrior.
- You’re a citizen of the kingdom – join the tribe.
2. Permission to dream
- God made you a dreamer. It’s normal to dream. Daydreams and night dreams. We ask “what if?”
- They were actually his dreams first. We were made in God’s image and dream because he does.
- The world needs them. The world is broken and God has sent us to set it right again. It all starts with a dream.
3. Permission to fail
- We’ve all failed. Failing is a part of learning. We rarely get it right the first time. It’s called practice. Even Mozart hit the wrong notes sometimes. Get over your perfectionism – it doesn’t serve the world.
- God says we’re strongest where we’re weak. If we feel inadequate, that’s a good thing – we’ll depend on him.
- The faster you fail, the greater your ultimate success. It takes a certain number of iterations for muscle memory to kick in. Once you’ve got more experience with the pain of failure, your fear of failure diminishes. Ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?”
4. Permission to succeed
What permission do you feel you need? You succeeding doesn’t have to be an ego trip. God built you to win, to crush the enemy under your heel. Setting the captives free is success; when you do that, it’s not about you, but the person you freed. So get over yourself and remember what Marianne Williamson wrote.
Our Deepest Fear (by Marianne Williamson)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
Comments (8)
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Good stuff.
I though this was a quote from Desmond Tutu…
Our Deepest Fear (by Marianne Williamson)
Thanks Seth, I needed this right now.
This is timely. Thanks Seth…
Come aboard, don’t be afraid to dream, failing is just an exercise needed for sweet success. Dad this is refreshing!!
I love this Seth. What a great way to explain identity and authority. It’s a struggle to feel the freedom those “permissions” bring us, but they’re a vital part of stretching up into spiritual maturity. I found myself feeling guilty just the other day for stirring up some controversy on facebook with a post. I found myself thinking, do I really know what I’m talking about? Should I have worded things more carefully or done more research? The result of it, however has been to reconnect me to an old high school friend who became an atheist and now he wants to continue discussion about God as a result of my post. I’m learning to walk in the freedom you’re writing about. Thanks for leading the way!
Thanks, David. It sounds like you’ve landed on a good application of the principle.
I feel like this was for me. EIther way, thank you for your encouragement!
This is great. I especially loved #3 and #4 – and that poem is an old favorite!