Your vulnerability will set people free
i asked my teammate, holland cox,what i should blog about today and she said “change.” as soon as she said it, i knew that it was time to blog about the change that has
happened in my life over the last seven months. i have thought about writing these things in the past but honestly haven’t because of fear. fear that my testimony is too dark, fear that my walk in faith hasn’t been “long enough” and fear that i would be judged by others. but it’s time to talk about how powerful my redeemer is, and how much he has
completely changed me.
i grew up catholic, went to a jesuit high school and even pondered
entering the jesuit priesthood before college. i continued my walk in
faith through college and into my career field…law enforcement.
shortly after entering law enforcement in 2004, i stopped my walk in
faith and began walking a life of darkness. i was an egotistical,
materialistic, addicted police officer who considered himself a “man.”
up until march 22 i was battling alcohol addiction. i had become
someone who i hated, embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror. i
tried to quit drinking on my own will but couldn’t…i failed countless
times.
on april 10 i sat in a candle lit good friday service alone and
crying. i had no idea what had happened to my life and had no idea how
to change it. i had been going to church for about five months but was
just going through the motions. as i sat in tears, i turned my life
over to the lord and asked for his help in my life.
change.
about a week later, i left my job as a police officer and started
working construction…on the surface i was working to build a house
but more importantly, i was working to re-build my life…to redefine
what made me a man…to be like christ. although i had stopped
drinking on march 22, i went to an addiction counselor and started
going to AA.
on october 10, 2009, i am a man free of strongholds who is doing god’s
work through the world…i woke up this morning and prayed, read the
bible and looked into the bathroom mirror to speak truth over myself.
i said things like, “i am daniel christ snyder, i am a man of god, i am
chosen, god is my judge, i am good enough, i am loved” and i smiled
because i knew that these things were true.
i want so much more, i want to become less so that he can become more.
my greatest desire is to be defined as a man of god…nothing else.
when i meet people, i want them to think “there’s something different
about him” and realize its because i am in love with my god and that i
put others first. i don’t want to be defined by anything of this
earth…i want to be defined through him.
people (or yourself). i look at myself and the change that has
happened in my life and know that it can happen to ANYONE…if the lord is powerful enough to completely change my life (and countless others), he can change ANYONE…we just need to be the example that christ calls us to be and pray without ceasing!!!
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Thanks for sharing this wonderful story about Dan.
As a ragamuffin held in tow by Abba I know first hand the sadness of self medicating personal pain with alcohol.
Fundamentally addictions of any kind are a trust issue.
Do we really believe Jesus cares?
If and when we embrace truth the beautiful discovery is that He sits and sups with us in our sorrow and we are not alone.
He weeps with us. Laughs outrageously. Listens. Extends a healing touch. He defines what it means to be a friend.
I am thankful there have been a handful of people in my life like you and Karen.
“Grace” is the room we sit in and openly share even the sordid things of life.
It’s called being part of a healing tribe. And in such communities shame, self loathing and guilt evaporate as brothers and sisters apply the balm of encouragement.
I heard a man of God give a teaching about sin – his message was great and the all of a sudden… he started to confess that he was a drug addict, alcoholic, rapist, homosexual, thief, committed murder, and the list went on for about 5 minutes. We were all stunned! In fact, I wanted to walk out…he was such a man of God and now he was confessing all this “secret-sin.” I was angry that this man was letting down many people, especially young people who looked at his life as an imitation of Christ. The thoughts that ran through my mind were of anger and trust broken. I could hardly hear his next few minutes when he made one of the greatest statements I have ever heard in the Body of Christ. Bro. Milton Vereide said “I am all of these in my flesh, outside of Christ Jesus.” WOW! He was saying that in all of our flesh is the potential for all of the worse sins possible. It changed my outlook on brethren who struggle – because I had to admit my own human weakness, no matter if I had never acted on it or not…it dwelt in my flesh. I stand with this brother as a “fellow alcoholic” freed by Jesus Christ. And I stand with all my other brothers & sisters just as they are in their worse sin…walking and believing for total redemption in Jesus Christ. I would to know no man/women – except in Christ. Love you brother…
Powerful, moving, inspiring! Honest, humble, empowering.
Wow! What a powerful post!! Vulnerability is probably one of my greatest struggles… Lots of food for thought here. I really admire Dan’s bravery and complete trust and willingness to just put himself out there.
Thanks for sharing, Seth! Your posts are one of the highlights of my day.
wow – this blog brought tears to my eyes. For many reasons. I pray God’s best for you, Dan, as I do for many friends struggling with all sorts of addictions … myself included.
Butch is right that addictions of any kind reveal a trust issue. Do we really believe God? Do we believe He can do what He says? That we are who He says we are – dead to the power of sin? That He actually loves us enough to take care of us and work EVERYTHING to our good? (even lies, wrongs – perceived or real) Do we believe it so much we can forgive someone who inflicted the worst pain and stop trying to either hide from it or fight against it? Stop trying to manage things to the end we desire?
All these things took on new meaning for me as I discovered the depth of my own issues – all the while trying to point out someone else’s need and direct them to what I thought they needed to do. What a shock to realize I was guilty of my own ‘addiction’ and that it went really deep, way back and had affected nearly every relationship I’d ever had, from as early as junior high! The more I read, the more I saw. Childhood sex abuse, abortions, a pattern of broken relationships, sex/love/relationship addictions and more. Even after a life-changing encounter with Christ, still I didn’t realize the depth of the lies I had internalized early on – but thank God for His healing power to undo all that. For His Truth that changes me and sets me free for a radically different future. And thank God for friends along the way who have encouraged, helped me, spoke truth to me and were also vulnerable – some of whom were old friends and many new ones too, a few from this blog and ministry.
Every day it seems God provides an opportunity for me to be vulnerable about my own journey with someone, somewhere. It has been incredibly encouraging to hear that it’s helped in some way … and I look forward to how God will use it through Beauty 4 Ashes and any other place He chooses in the future. It’s getting a bit easier to share – though I still have some trouble spitting it out to people who have only known me as a very “competent, professional Christian.” (ha – as if there is such a thing – but that’s what happens when you work in Christian ministry for decades!) But indeed it helps to not only have a very intimate, honest walk with Jesus, but also a community where one is consistently called to gut-level authenticity. Kudos to Dan for his bravery in sharing the unvarnished truth.
Dear Daddy Seth,
Good Morning from Pakistan.
I much blessed dadyy by this story
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story about Dan.
God bless You.
Emmanuel Sadiq
Excellent! Freedom! Truth!
Incredible post and yet again, for me, incredible timing.
Having also been raised with (in my case at least) a so-called christian upbringing, The hard truth was spelt out clearly to me and I found myself egotistical, materialstic and struggled with addictions – and that was just name a few.
Because of the impotent religion I had equated with “being a christian” I began to accept that God seemed either unwilling or unable to change me and was giving up.
I am finally accepting the truth of my predicament and realize that the real Jesus is THE Truth, THE Life and only Way to God, and that only in HIM there is true freedom from the prisons the enemy has kept us in, whatever they are, whether they’re addictions, seeking comfort in materialism, whatever.
Thankyou so much for sharing!