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You are absolutely not alone! I feel this way more than I don’t. I often feel like that verse in Song of Songs when she says “I looked for my Lover, but he had gone.”
I plod on because where else is there to go? I know the words of eternal life are with Him. I know Him too well for too long to ever go anywhere else, and yet I sometimes think I don’t know Him at all. How come if He wants to be with me so badly I rarely experience His presence in a way I can feel? What’s the good of God being with me if it seems to make no difference?
Yet it always does make a difference, even if I can’t always see it or feel it. So I keep the only promise I know I can – I keep on coming back to Him all the time, praying, breathing prayers as I walk through my day, having Him in the context there somewhere. And who says that life walking with Him has to be full of touchy feely powerful experiences as if an ordinary day is something He wouldn’t be interested in?
Starting to notice He is there in the well timed email, the friendly smile in the street, the little things of my life. If all good things come from Him, then those simple things surely do too and are worth a thank You. Sometimes that’s all there is. But who said that’s not okay? It’s a start anyway.
He is always there, in the still small voice, in the cave of our being. Yet is He also there in the encounters, small and large, we have everyday with people, believers and unbelievers alike.
Sometimes he calls us on spur of the moment to be Christ to someone, someone who perhaps is waiting for Him to show up and doesn’t even know it yet. Sometimes he uses others as Christ to us, in a moment of encouragement or admonition.
He is always orchestrating events and lives behind the scenes. Sometimes we catch glimpses of his ubiquitous shepherding. He operates according to strategies that we cannot fathom, forever watching in the wings for us to perform our roles, manifest fruit of the Spirit–love, joy, peace…kindness… self-control. He’s omnipresent, speaking faithfully in His still small voice, reminding us that we (each of us individually, and all of us collectively) can be at any moments instruments of His love to a people who are wandering in wasteland of postmodern Babylon.
And yet I have also spotted Him in the whirlwind–the haste and tyranny of a mad moment. You never know, but He does.
Love Sting’s lyrics, even if I don’t always care for the tunes. No Christian is complete without the “dark night of the soul”, I guess – times when He seems distant, nowhere to be found. When our prayers feel like they can’t get through the roof – much less make it up to the throne room of God. I don’t know ANYONE who’s been a Christian for awhile who hasn’t gone through this. Many times. Many seasons.
It was a teaching in Song of Songs that brought this home to me and of course, it’s all throughout Scripture in other saints’ lives – how God hides His face from us sometimes to make us hungry for Him and Him alone. To make us press in with desire for Him. To make us search for Him, not in the old ways we have always used (worship music, prayer, bible study – though of course, there’s nothing wrong with those ways) – but in new ways. Making us like David – as a deer pants for water, so my soul longs for you … He’s always growing us in FAITH. (My former pastor’s favorite mantra was – without faith it is impossible to please God)
Like Carol and Carey both mentioned – perhaps He wants us to see Him in the ordinary beautiful things of the day that we so often overlook. Or just to trust that He is at work even when we can’t see it. It seems odd of God. But then what do we know of the ways of an infinite, all-knowing Being? We cry out like Job … and God is silent. He will eventually answer though. He always does. It fascinates me that while God spoke to Job, He never answered Job’s question of why … He just recounted how far-reaching His own wisdom was… and Job surrendered his need to know. He is at once full of simplicity and complexity. I find an odd comfort in that. I don’t want a God I can fully understand – I think He would be much too small.
The last 3 blogs have been an interesting read.
Depth of relationships…….when you can sense the presence of God eminating through the mountains,through the trees, through the grass…alive, vibrant, encircling everything of who you are….where Gods presence is just so intense….so intimate….where you are totally undone and seen and totally enveloped by His life giving presence…..and the presence of God fills the room so heavy with His presence and He fills you up so much that its like your body is transparent because what you are experiencing on the inside is the same as on the outside…….when you focus on Him at work His presence nearly knocks you off your feet in a split second as you turn again to Him to talk for the thousand time that day…….When He is your closest, deepest friend who you share everything with………no relationship with Humans comes close……..its a lonely place….your constantly misunderstood as everyone sees you with their own understanding of what a relationship is with God.
Then on the bad days it realy is a “dark night of the soul” because now you are in His presence but Hes mad at you. His anger, His fire is unbearable to live in…….it really is hell on earth….His judgements are the most terifying thing to live under……..you spend your time totally focused on putting it right….your work fails, you have no time for your kids, your friends, your family…….you are totally consumed with putting your relationship right with God…..if you dont, if you dont hear those words ” we are Ok now, your forgiven” and the relationship is not restored then life is not worth living…….its an aweful place to be in.
Those who have time not hearing Him……who have the world to distract you….I envy you on those bad days.
What I’m about to relate to all of you is how I have connected with God. It is what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount. “the Kingdom of God is within you”. It was not my intention at the time to do this. I am well educated in hard science/adv. mathematics, I had read thru an old book on astral projection. I gave it consideration. one afternoon when it was very quiet I laid down for a nap. I cleared all my waking thoughts from my mind. I then repeated over and over “peace and love”. I fell off to sleep which quickly went became an out of body experience. I found myself in an out of doors setting, there were large rocks/boulders and scrubby trees. I walked down to this area and noticed that there was water running thru the rocks, I could feel it on my feet. then a male figure appeared in front of me, he never turned to face me or spoke. I followed him and came to a rock wall. I crossed it and found myself in the tunnel so often described in the near death experience. the tunnel was black and grey, no sound, only the light at the end. so as I stood there I saw the light and said “Our Dear Lord”, it was then I got scared and withdrew back into my body. After that the visions began and have never stopped. Mary has come twice and God Himself once. there are too many visions to tell here, but I will tell part of God’s message since it will affect all who live in the U.S.A.. He said that there will be a civil war in this country. no where, when etc….
Steve,
Your experience in astral projection is interesting. I have to ask you through if you are confident of the source of your experience? Is it from God or from Darkness disguised as an “Angel of light”?
My question for you is: Is Astral Projection scriptural? God works a lot in visions and dreams. However it is God induced not man induced. In otherwords is there an example of someone SEEKING an out of body experience that was good, as apposed to the Lord PROMPTING one?
When one Astral Projects by himself I believe he is outside of the guidance of the Holy Spirit and therefore can open himself up to spirits of many kinds both good and bad. We don’t have the level of discernment to operate in the spiritual realm without the Holy Spirit.
If the kingdom of God is within me, then who influences my life outside of me, especially when I meet obstacles or suffer from people’s jealousy or get robbed? Would it be that because God is me, he doesn’t have any supernatural powers until I’m lucky enough to master the Key of Solomon and become a great magician who can crush her enemies and win the lotto every week? That would explain why children get sexually abused without no one to help them or protect them. Either God is evil and sadistic or he has no power. Which would explain why I find it extremely difficult to connect with Him..