How do I find someone to disciple?
A college professor had the following question for me. See my answer below:
Q: I was discipled by a guy in my old church about 8 years ago. In that church it was expected that when you are approximately half way through the discipleship materials you were expected to take on someone to disciple. I am really passionate about discipleship and I long to disciple others. I have been asking the Lord to show me someone I can come along side… Any thoughts?
A: First, I’d put away the discipleship materials and that old, dusty paradigm that says discipling is sitting down with someone and going thru curriculum.
Young people are tired of that approach. Most of them have never had an older person show interest in them as a person. When the offer comes to “be discipled,” they can see the programmatic, impersonal approach coming and run the opposite direction.
So, the first job is to find a nonthreatening way to begin to get into relationship with a few young people. Ask yourself: What do they like to do? Where do they like to hang out? What do they need that you can help provide?
I had a professor at Wheaton College, Norm Ewert, who invited students over to his house on Thursday nights to eat dinner and shoot the breeze.
They were looking for more than information – they needed a place to hang and someone they respected to banter with about social justice issues. Norm and I still correspond about social justice issues.
Some professors help sponsor clubs or help lead classes abroad. I had a professor, Em Griffin, who owned an island in Lake Michigan. He chose eight people to take a class on Small Group Dynamics on the island. He flew us out there in his plane, taught us and mentored us. I think Em still stays in touch with a number of his students.
The common denominator for would-be disciplers is to begin by making friends and winning trust instead of sharing information. The point of the initial
phases of any discipling relationship is to get to a place of trust where the student will listen to and act on your advice. After that, the best thing you can do is to ask them about their lives and to help them process their life decisions in prayer.
Information is an important component of any spiritual growth path, but in this world that overflows with information, it is wisdom and love that are lacking from the curriculum-based approach. Where does wisdom come from? The book of James says we get it when we ask God for it. So, yes, Bible study is good. But I’d only introduce that as a response to a felt need, not as an automatic first stage in a discipling program. Focus instead on becoming a friend, a great listener, and coach.
A couple of other blogs on the subject:
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I whole heartedly agree. As a 20 something I know all our generation wants and the ones following me is to have someone listen to them. We know where to go for a Bible study whether it be at church or within a small group setting. What we really want out of a mentor is just to have someone listen.
I’ve had my handful of mentors throughout high school and college and even now, and the two I still talk to (one more than the other) are the ones who would invite us to come over to their house and just hang out. One in college got a group of us senior women together, drank coffee, discussed life, and tried to save the world. The other lady invites me to live life with her and her family, whether that means watching her kids, going to a soccer game, helping her fold laundry, or having a girls’ night. What they did was so different and yet so simple. They listened, asked the hard questions, and encouraged me to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ through different means than a Bible study.
And all they did to get me there was to invite me. A simple invitation from an “older” person to just come and hang out and eat pizza or watch movies or drink coffee is all it took to get me to come.
So true. This is a good reminder to me not to rush things with the youth. They’ve been trusting and asking questions, and I’ve been all excited about moving into the to “information transfer” stage, but I should look more for God’s timing. They’re ready to hear what we have to say now, but that doesn’t mean I should leave the “hanging out” behind. They go together. Good reminder.
Yup. I know that’s what I’m looking for!