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How to show & receive respect

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12 Why is that we struggle so to do what Jesus commanded? I mean, it seems like a relatively simple command. Just love me, p…
By Seth Barnes
By Seth Barnes
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12
Why is that we struggle so to do what Jesus commanded? I mean, it seems like a relatively simple command. Just love me, please. But, in fact, it’s complicated.
I spend way too much of my time as a leader helping coach staff through their people problems. Last week I heard of one of our staff member who should know better making a basic mistake – airing their issue with another staff person in public. Almost every day it seems, people spill into my office wanting to discuss such matters.
I want to tell them with Rodney King, “Can we all just get along?”
There is an answer – it boils down to Aretha Franklin’s theme song: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Too many of us get tangled up in situations where we’re not respecting
one another. We need to take some time and learn the fundamentals of how to show respect.
Here are the best pointers on the subject I’ve seen. I pulled this off John Maxwell’s blog. I suggest copying them, taping the list to your fridge and then begin running your life according to them.
  1. If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
  2. If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you (privately).
  3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I’ll do the same for you.)
  4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say, “Let’s go see him together.” (I’ll do the same for you.)
  5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not
    feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to
    misinterpret intentions.
  6. I will be careful how I interpret you.
  7. If it’s confidential, don’t tell. If anyone comes to me in
    confidence, I won’t tell unless (a) the person is going to harm
    him/herself; (b) the person is going to physically harm someone else;
    (c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same
    from you.
  8. I do not read unsigned letters or notes.
  9. I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. Do not let others
    manipulate you; do not let others try to manipulate me through you.
  10. When in doubt, just say it. If I can answer without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.

Comments (10)

  • Good stuff. So true, oh God teach us how to love & respect better. We desperately need it individually & in our society! Thanks for sharing pops!

  • H friend…Thanks for the “John Maxwell Gospel” Frankly you do it better. Much love from a 30 year friend……I have been in many meetings with the man. I prefer the ones with you. Period…

  • Amen and amen. I often say, If I am not part of the problem, and I am not part of the solution, then I don’t need to be part of the discussion.

    Somehow this seems easier to do with others than my own family, including my kids. Oh, life is hard…

    This is good stuff and I am printing it and making copies for my kids, drama queen tween and teen girls (especially) included…

  • This is so great Seth! I have read over it a couple times, just to get it into my own mind. I am going to share it with my kids too. I wonder why, in our sinful nature, we choose not to love each other. These things are really quite simple, if we just choose to obey. Thanks so much for this!

  • Wonderful! I’m printing a copy and tacking it to the bulletin board in the lounge at work. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Thank you for what should be entitled “Basic Life 101”
    perhaps the motivating factor of why people are so quick to judge and accuse others is because it misdirects God’s laser beam of truth and light off of them and onto another?
    We are judged by the same intensity that we judge others so by these misdirects of His light of life and love on our own heart, that same measure of intensity bounces back onto us.
    There is no escape and we will pay the penalty.
    How much better to hear what the Lord is saying to us and allow His laser surgery to heal our optic nerves so that we are tenderly healed to aid our brothers in love.

  • If we His followers live this out, how differently Christ will be perceived by an unbelieving world!

  • As a high school basketball coach, the biggest problem we experience as coaches is when my players and their parents violate the 10 things listed here.

    I regularly impart these truths to my players. We have found that if my coaching staff and players abide by these, we will experience God’s blessing, joy, and unity in our team.

    My most prominent violators are some of my parents. And when this happens, it brings, strife and dis-unity resulting in much heartache.

    It is the same for all of us out here in every avenue of our lives.

    This is at the heart of Jesus for all of us.

    Thanks Seth.

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Seth Barnes

I'm motivated to join God in his global reclamation project. He's on the move, setting his sons and daughters free from their places of captivity. And he's partnering with those of us who have been freed to go and free others.

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