My son tells parents to ‘let ’em struggle’
The World Race is doing something new and exciting this month – they are giving the extraordinary and awesome gift of experiencing the World Race culture without the necessary sacrifices of an 11-month commitment. It’s a single month simulation set to the tune of Haiti relief. Aaron Bruner and I are guiding it on the ground.We recently ran into a problem…A parent had a conversation with her daughter about how she was sick. The person was probably venting a little, maybe communicated some weariness and transferred some of her frustrations. In response, the mother contacted AIM, saying that they need to send her daughter home. To put you at ease before reading on, we had the participant call her mom and calm her down. She is still here and doing very well.
The point of my writing this is to propose a great “way” for parents of World Racers to follow. I write this from the perspective of a World Race alum whose parents were influential in my having a stellar overall experience, filled with brokenness, confusion and frustration.
When your son or daughter contacts you in tears and at the end of themselves…
..Encourage them to wrestle through it.
I remember a time in Cambodia when I was completely at the end of myself. I was all but done with Christianity, with God, with prayer, and with the World Race. I remember talking with my dad about it, venting all of this to him. He told me that God wasn’t offended and that He could take it. He recommended I voice my frustrations to Him, that I journal my feelings and thoughts, that I process them thoroughly and remain fully in them for a time. I did, and three days later, I had the greatest God experience of my life.
When your son or daughter is sick and bed-ridden…
Pray for them and trust AIM leadership enough to know that they will take care of your son’s or daughter’s needs.
I remember being bed-ridden sick for over a week in Mozambique. I was throwing up, I had awful diarrhea and a high fever. Conditions were far from perfect, too! We were taking bucket showers, I had to fetch water and dump it in the toilet for it to flush, it was hot! and I was sleeping on a couch in the living room where people were walking through and making a bunch of noise. If there ever was a time I wanted to be home, it was then! My parents recognized that this is just a part of it, though, and knew that I’d get through it in time. And I did.
Know that they will feel…
Hurt, misunderstood, confused, frustrated, and just downright awful sometimes. Talk through this with your son or daughter before they leave and release them to experience these difficult emotions, realizing that they are all a part of growth.
Realize that they are adults…
Think back to when you “left the nest” and, knowing and feeling what you do now as a parent, put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Imagine what they may have felt; how difficult it must have been to let you go. But it needed to happen. Then try to put yourself in your son’s or daughter’s shoes. They are not kids anymore. It is time to let go.
Release them to God…
Trusting that He has ordained their steps. Love them enough to walk through extremely difficult times with God and community. This refines them and they will have far greater character in the end! Read and study James 1 with your spouse and commit your child to the Lord.
I’m still young myself, but I imagine releasing your son or daughter may be the most difficult thing you’ll ever do. The rewards are worth it! Your son or daughter will honor and respect you for it. They will seek you out. They will love you well. You will connect on a deeper level. Your relationship will be strengthened and will grow in greater depths than you ever would have thought.
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this is good! i love it. makes me ponder about how much i lean on crutches to help me stay afloat… i need to ween off that bigtime! i have met all your fam except your son … but what an awesome fam you have Seth!
Yeah, I read this yesterday in his blog. Ya know, Seth, your boy’s pretty amazing. But you already know that.
You and I did the very best we could with our children. (Our daughter, Hannah, is halfway through a doctorate in history at UGA) We both spent ourselves wisely on them.
But the longer I watch Hannah’s life, & you watch Seth’s, the more we both realize that, in the final analysis, they’re who they are because of the grace of God & the power of His Holy Spirit.
I’m glad both our children follow His leading. In so many ways, they’re stronger followers of Jesus than we were at that age.
Here’s my perspective as father of an alum.
The world racer attains a valuable prize along the way; it’s an essential life-skill–perseverance. But perseverance can not be given. It may be the only godly attribute that is obtainable by self-effort.
Even so, the fruition of that self-control within the young racer’s character is lovingly tended by a Father whose vigilance and care far surpasses mine or her mother’s.
Y’all keep up the good work now, y’hear?
This is a wonderful perspective and I have had to do all of the above. But yes, my children are much better people for it. Supporting them on the world race and encouraging them through all of this is just something that we as parents must do. They have grown soooo much. Waiting on my second world racer’s arrival in 9 days… (Not that I’m counting or anything) Happy Father’s Day Seth, Brooksie Edquist