While the average person has 150 acquaintances and 130 Facebook friends, they have just two close friends. According to the Discovery Channel’s report, one in four people have no one to talk to at all. Most people have 50% fewer close friends than 20 years ago.
My conclusion: Ezekiel’s valley of dry bones* is a reality in America today.
Jesus calls the church his “body” and it’s a great metaphor. As Paul describes it, we’re members of the body of Christ – “a unit, though it is made up of many parts.”
The problem is, we’re disconnected. My function may work just fine, but it too often works in isolation from the rest of the body.
This happens in part because of the busy, isolated way we live that doesn’t translate well to community living. We’re descended from cowboys and pioneers and rebels. They came here running from connection – the connection to the Crown felt so strong it was strangling their spirit.
We see a picture of a connected body in the Acts 2 church. The church members gladly shared all they had with one another. Their connection became an amazing form of empowerment.
We often think of the miraculous works of the Holy Spirit as the engine that powered the explosive growth of the early church. But the cohesiveness of their community was a secret weapon – it must have made them an unstoppable force.
An arm can lift things, but disconnected from a shoulder, it is ineffectual. Jesus prayed for this connection for his disciples before dying.** We long for it. It’s what we so often miss on Sunday mornings. It’s why young people are leaving the church by the millions. It’s what God wants to give us.
How many deep connections do you have in your life? Do you want more? What can you do to get them?
* Ezekiel 37
** John 17
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God has blessed me with a TON of deep connections. They change sometimes as I shift into new seasons of life but I still have about 4-5 in every community God has put me in over the course of my life time. He has made me a person who loves those deep connections so I strive for them and do everything I can to keep them up. Its hard work but its rewarding in the end. I can say that I’d love more as I am moving into a new community and a new season of life. God is good!
I find the necessity of deep connection daily to be similar to my need for food daily: having a deep connection yesterday doesn’t help me today.
Oddly, I sometimes have deep connection with mere acquaintances (a deep conversation over dinner, or that co-worker who is with me through a difficult situation, or I meet someone in a foreign country who shares my values of beliefs and we share an instant, satisfying bond).
As a note of concession, I find myself frequently looking for a confidant to unload all my problems onto when I should turn to the Lord first.
A few years back, I wrote a blog entry about “True Friendship” after I person I considered a very dear friend revealed her true self. (Link above) I have about six “best friends,” plus my wife, who is really in a different catagory. One is a woman I grew up with. We have been friends since we were three, and we’re both near 60 now. Two are male friends who intervened and literally saved me at different low points in my life. Two are peers, retired now from the professional community I work in, and the sixth is an amazing woman in a wheelchair, who really proved to me that you can do anything you put your mind to, despite the obstacles life throws at you. Four of them are born-again believers. Only one has been my friend for less than 20 years, and he is the only one from Minnesota, where I live now. I have friends here, but is this suburban, self-centered society we live in, true friendship is a very rare and special gift; one you do not find much of in a society centered on self. As one of my Facebook friends, from our church, said quite accurately, “I now have more friends on Facebook than I have in real life.”
It’s a sad commentary.
I agree. Most of our Facebook “friendships” exist just to talk about ourselves. We describe what we are doing or show pictures of what we just did. We need friends and mentors who speak into our lives. Friends that help us and encourage us.