Helping one person at a time is inefficient
We had an afternoon free so Andrea and i decided to explore the city a bit. We had both been to dublin since our squad launched there just over a year ago. We were wandering around town without much of an agenda. We prayed, rather flippantly, that the Lord would give us a divine appointment.
be careful what you ask for.
As we meandered the temple bar area I noticed a young woman who was wandering aimlessly. She looked lost, confused, tired, needy. I struck up a conversation with her and offered to buy her some food. We walked to a nearby cafe where all she wanted was a smoothie. I tried to get her to eat a muffin or something more substantial, but she insisted that a small drink was plenty. We sat and talked with her as she told us her story.
Jackie lives on the streets of dublin. She goes from shelter to shelter every night looking for a place to sleep. she was violently raped ten years ago in an murky alley where she was trying to rest. As a result of this atrocity, Jackie refuses to sleep outside. She hadn’t slept in four days when we met her last week. she could hardly keep her eyes open she was so exhausted. it was only terror that willed her small, fragile self to stay awake. We tried walking her to a hostel but she could hardly stand up straight, let alone walk the many blocks it would have taken to get her there. as people walked by gawking, jackie began to cry. “Why do they look at me like that,” she asked as tears streamed down her face. “i would never hurt anyone and i am just as good as they are.” “I’m a person, too.” i had no words to offer. Any christianeese answer i could have mustered up would have done me no good, anyways. there are no answers.
We finally stopped. We sat in the doorway of some hoity-toity business with suited money-makers coming in and out. They didn’t have to say anything for their disapproval to speak volumes. We sat with her and prayed. It was a simple prayer. a prayer of protection, hope, and comfort. I gave her all of the cash I had, just ten euro.
And then we walked away. We walked away and made our way to quaint little Irish coffee shop where we sipped on our caffeinated beverages of choice. We asked questions and said the ‘it’s too bad.” We fed ourselves justifications and rationale as we devoured our banana-caramel dessert. We made our way back to the conference and we worshipped our hearts out.
and then normal life just kind of carried on. and we rode a bus and hopped on a plane. and now I’m sitting back in my comfortable bed in my nice, American apartment. I’m in need of nothing, really. I’m surrounded by dozens of Jesus-loving people. I have food in my pantry, clean clothes in my closet and money in my wallet. I feel well taken care of. i have a supportive family and network of friends all around the world. I feel safe and secure. I won’t lose sleep tonight from fear of being abused.
But somewhere on a dark, Irish street corner Jackie is sitting.
Alone. cold. hungry. tired. terrified. hopeless. depressed. rejected.
and it’s just not okay with me. it’s not okay with me at all. but i have no answers. I don’t know how to fix it. there is no remedy. And I don’t want nice Christian answers about how I did everything I could and now i just have to trust that the lord will take care of her. there is truth in that, absolutely. but I don’t find comfort in those justifications. It’s not good enough for me, anymore. I’m not looking for solace or commiseration. I don’t want well-intentioned condolences anymore.
because there are millions of Jackie’s in our world. millions.
millions of orphans. millions of women being sold into sexual slavery.
millions of people living in inhumane conditions because of poverty.
and, I know, I have to believe that what i am doing is helping. that licking stamps and stuffing envelopes; reading blogs and projecting numbers is actually changing the world. but today, it’s hard to believe that. It’s hard and it doesn’t seem like enough to sit behind my desk. because I want things to be different. I don’t want to feed one hungry person, I want to end hunger. I don’t want to bring comfort to just one woman who has be dejected and abused. I want to abolish modern-day slavery and start a Jesus revolution beginning with the pimps and sleazy men who prey on the helpless women and children. I don’t want to hold one orphan in Africa. I don’t want there to be orphans in my world at all.
Call it idealism. Call it naivety. Call it impractical, unrealistic, stupid, ridiculous, foolish, crazy, or a waste of time. Call if whatever you want.
I’m going to call it kingdom. and I’m going to fight to make it happen.
As much as I hate it most of the time, I’m going to keep loving the one in front of me. I’ll keep buying the Jackie in my life a smoothie. i’ll pray my simple prayers. and I will keep searching and crying and fighting my guts out and asking questions…until the earth looks just like heaven.
because Jackie is somewhere in Ireland, sleep deprived and void of hope.
and I refuse for that to ever be okay.
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Makes me think of an Edmund Burke quote:
“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little”
good quote- now I just need to act on it
Love that quote, Scott.
On this the very day that multitudes are crying out to God for mercy (the Day of Atonement) I believe that His true heart has taken up residence in Ashley; I pray He consumes us all.
Amen. Kingdom come…on earth as it is in heaven. One painfully slow ministry to one person at a time.
I read this prior to retiring for the evening. My bed is comfortable. I have multiple pillows for maximum comfort. I’m shaking my head though… Life on this side just isn’t fair! No, I’m not a calvinist! “Oh God break my heart…”
Ashley, I love your heart. I’m going to use your blog to challenge a team of girls that are preparing for a short term mission trip to the slums of Manila.
Jesus used your blog tonight. Bless you Ashley.
you sound frustrated. I am in China and I was moved recently to really generously give to a wheelchair stricken woman, whom I’d been helping but on a rather ungenerous scale. After I left the ATM and having rec’d my payday of tax free money, I was moved to give her one hundred fold….on sunday, i went to the ATM and there she was again. I simply tell her God bless,and she smles with such joy. she really is poor and needs this help. Yes, you can help one person at a time…it is just like the “one vote matters” metaphor of changing election outcomes. when one person helps another, it is a differnece and it’ positive so I respect your opinion but toally disagree that helping one person is not the way to go. as an individual I cannot save the world from the ills you describe, but alas, just LIKE THE GOOD SAMARITAN WHO DID HELP ONE POOR SOUL ALONG THE ROAD, he did make as difference and Jesus used the story to change the hearts of his followers.
Peace be with you
Loved this post and how Ashley is applying her experiences from the World Race to the rest of her life.
Amazing… This is the heart of an Infinite God, the One and Only. Thank you for sharing, your words, His, moved a very deep part of me, spoke to my core. His heart is inside of you evident radiant, true. I can feel Him smiling over you, He loves you so much.
He’s pierced my heart through. In anguish I am broken, but in joy I step forward. Not to walk but to RUN. Let His Kingdom Come. 🙂
What an awesome testimony, you are helping, so far beyond that little word, you’re spreading a forest fire across the world, His heart in you through you is touching each one that reads this, it’s a fire that has no end, because that’s WHO He is, Infinite…
Thank you ashley,
God bless you like crazy
:),
Emily Joy
“This little light of mine, i’m gona let it Shine let it shine let it Shine…”
and just imagine if one little light doesn’t hide doesn’t walk but RUNS, and this is possible fire burning bright cuz its Him, windstorm hail and lightning bring it on! but just imagine a hundred, a million little lights invading the darkness, not walking down the sidewalk in our own little worlds blind, to what breaks His heart in anguish, whats Not okay. no matter what justifications, this blind& twisted society throws. the list will only grow longer, we’re eating it up like we’re starving like some kind of religion, cuz it’s what makes us feel ok. it’s how we hide, and how we stay trapped in our own fake world, our four little walls of comfort and pleasure, security, or are we controlled by fear, defined by the media, by lies, do we jump into a loop hole daily, are we already lost too far to even realize the trap we’ve bitten, do we want out or farther down? our lives seem so complicated, chaos, but is any of it Real? do we want to justify our lives away or to break free and Open our eyes?
Open our eyes and see the Jackie right in front of us, not tomorrow but right now this moment this day, cuz when you think about it, its all we have all that’s guaranteed, this moment, its passing as I type these words, Right now is A Loving All Powerful Father, Infinite God Lord of Lords who gave it all for Love. Because He loves us, His precious children.
There is no one too far gone, lost, off the deep end in sin, His love is infinite, the power of HIs redemption is real right now this moment, He’s here, no matter what the weight despair in an instant He can take it all away, Completely, beauty for ashes. what was unbearably ugly into astounding pure beauty. He goes so far beyond what we could ever ask or imagine, this is Who He is, and How He loves you.
He doesn’t count your sin against you or mine against me, all that is required is that we come to Him, the tiniest faintest bit of believe, one step. He does it all. This is what He’s called us to release to a lost and dying world, to release HIM, He is Heaven :). His heart to the Jackie’s all around us, right now, this moment if we choose to see, if we choose not to hide but to SHINE… just imagine how far this fire could spread, considering He IS the fire, “this little light of mine” is HIM, and He is my Infinite God, my Hero, He is the Savior of the world :)…
God bless you Ashley and every one that reads this, His heart my hand, I can’t help it, my heart is bursting with His goodness His love, here i am freezing&burning with a fever, in pain, and it doesn’t even matter :). walking up the stairs to get online i choked down the tears, asked, “Daddy You please hold my hand?” My Dad just so happened to find this page, thinking of me save it open on the screen.
The contrast of how i feel physically only makes the joy and peace inside my heart sweeter, the fire inside my heart brighter. Oh How He loves us :). Reading your story Ashley and spilling some of my own heart, both His, He’s picked me up I feel and He’s spinning me around in His love :). I don’t feel like crying anymore, I can’t stop smiling, Instead I feel like laughing :). This is what He’s BEST at, turning those tears to laughter haha, I don’t know who might read this, but God bless you like crazy 😉
Thank you Ashley
<3,
Emily Joy
“This little light of mine, i’m gona let it Shine let it shine let it Shine…”
and just imagine if one little light doesn’t hide doesn’t walk but RUNS, and this is possible fire burning bright cuz its Him, windstorm hail and lightning bring it on! but just imagine a hundred, a million little lights invading the darkness, not walking down the sidewalk in our own little worlds blind, to what breaks His heart in anguish, whats Not okay. no matter what justifications, this blind& twisted society throws. the list will only grow longer, we’re eating it up like we’re starving like some kind of religion, cuz it’s what makes us feel ok. it’s how we hide, and how we stay trapped in our own fake world, our four little walls of comfort and pleasure, security, or are we controlled by fear, defined by the media, by lies, do we jump into a loop hole daily, are we already lost too far to even realize the trap we’ve bitten, do we want out or farther down? our lives seem so complicated, chaos, but is any of it Real? do we want to justify our lives away or to break free and Open our eyes?
Open our eyes and see the Jackie right in front of us, not tomorrow but right now this moment this day, cuz when you think about it, its all we have all that’s guaranteed, this moment, its passing as I type these words, Right now is A Loving All Powerful Father, Infinite God Lord of Lords who gave it all for Love. Because He loves us, His precious children.
There is no one too far gone, lost, off the deep end in sin, His love is infinite, the power of HIs redemption is real right now this moment, He’s here, no matter what the weight despair in an instant He can take it all away, Completely, beauty for ashes. what was unbearably ugly into astounding pure beauty. He goes so far beyond what we could ever ask or imagine, this is Who He is, and How He loves you.
He doesn’t count your sin against you or mine against me, all that is required is that we come to Him, the tiniest faintest bit of believe, one step. He does it all. This is what He’s called us to release to a lost and dying world, to release HIM, He is Heaven :). His heart to the Jackie’s all around us, right now, this moment if we choose to see, if we choose not to hide but to SHINE… just imagine how far this fire could spread, considering He IS the fire, “this little light of mine” is HIM, and He is my Infinite God, my Hero, He is the Savior of the world :)…
God bless you Ashley and every one that reads this, His heart my hand, I can’t help it, my heart is bursting with His goodness His love, here i am freezing&burning with a fever, in pain, and it doesn’t even matter :). walking up the stairs to get online i choked down the tears, asked, “Daddy You please hold my hand?” My Dad just so happened to find this page, thinking of me save it open on the screen.
The contrast of how i feel physically only makes the joy and peace inside my heart sweeter, the fire inside my heart brighter. Oh How He loves us :). Reading your story Ashley and spilling some of my own heart, both His, He’s picked me up I feel and He’s spinning me around in His love :). I don’t feel like crying anymore, I can’t stop smiling, Instead I feel like laughing :). This is what He’s BEST at, turning those tears to laughter haha, I don’t know who might read this, but God bless you like crazy 😉
Thank you Ashley
<3,
Emily Joy
Wow, SUCH a great story!! Definitely convicting and inspiring.