Life as an addict is terrible - you're estranged from family and friends, and worst of all, you're estranged from yourself. You're in a prison of hopelessness and you need rescuing. The ministry of rescuing an addict is a very relationship-intensive one; it requires you walk a demanding tightrope, placing yourself at risk in order to build the trust necessary to help those who are typically paranoid, who struggle to trust. The odds are you will fail. And while I present a set of ten steps below, it is anything but a linear process.
Dave Hain was the best I've ever seen at it. He pulled a couple of hundred addicts off the streets of Philadelphia during his time there. The addicts looked at him as their pastor. Walking with him through the crack houses was always interesting. These are some of his secrets.
1.Relationship
Initiation: Establish a one-on-one relationships by sharing God's love (rather than the
judgment that those on the streets are accustomed to feeling).
2.Relationship
Development: Develop these relationships through individual and group counseling,
conversation, prayer, sharing a cup of coffee or a meal, Bible study, and contacting relatives with
information. During this phase of
the process, try to earn trust by performing small favors - buying food or conveying messages to and from
probation officers, police officers, lawyers, and estranged relatives and
friends.
3.Trust Deepening: One
day at a time over the course of months and sometimes years of these meetings,
trust, hope and a sincere desire to change their own lives begin to form. Until this process has progressed to
the point where a critical mass of trust exists, it is very difficult to take
an addict any further in the process.
4.Hope-based
Counseling: At
this point the counseling begins to focus on opportunities for detox,
short-term rehab and then long-term Christian rehab. Many addicts have heard, "once an addict, always an addict." They need hope. Typically addicts will make a commitment to getting off the
street well in advance of the day when they finally do take action.
5.Intermediation: When
someone is ready to take action, you can serve as his or her advocate and place the
necessary telephone calls to obtain a detox bed. This often requires assisting the addict to regain some
identification papers to replace those lost on the streets. Frequently he or she will need to be
placed in interim housing over a weekend while these arrangements are
finalized. Maintain relationships
with top detox and rehab centers and take time to earn their trust. Work with a number of detox centers. It will take time and communication. Always do what you promise you'll do. There may be only a few who will work closely with you to allow visits and
have more relaxed entry requirements. Key in our working with anyone to get them a detox bed
is that "the doctors and
nurses can begin to treat the patient."
6.Detox &
Advocacy: While
in detox we speak to the caseworker to advocate a short-term resident
rehab.
7.Short-Term Rehab: During
the time in rehab, place the phone calls to obtain a phone interview for
admission into a four- to twelve-month Christian program.
8.Transition: When
the individuals you are assisting are ready to make the jump to a long-term
rehabilitation center, help them with the logistical details and costs. Maintain strong relationships with multiple rehabs.
9.Long-Term Care: Our
primary behavioral goal during the rehab center stay is that each person face
the truth of the bad decisions they made which contributed to his or her
addiction. He or she need to begin
making godly decisions to avoid relapse.The success rates of Christian rehabs as published by Teen Challenge and
others are over 70%. With this in
mind, some men and women in secular rehabs where we teach Bible studies seek a
Christian rehab after their secular program is finished.
10.After Care: After
completion of a Christian rehab, we work with the men and women who enter an
after care phase, which requires months of one-on-one counseling with a pastor
followed by efforts to repair broken relationships and reintegration into
society.
For more information, contact Dave Hain or read about his ministry here.
33 years ago I began recycling garbage. I don't know if we helped invent dumpster diving, but David and I were the first ones I ever knew to do it. Here's the story.
My friend, David Wroughton, and I were born entrepreneurs. My lawn mowing business in high school was a good start and we took it to the next level in college in the form of a janitorial service that David and I owned.
One night as we were cleaning up a commercial enterprise, we got a bright idea, "What would we find if we looked through the garbage at a restaurant?" So we went behind a seafood restaurant we liked.
What we found was a lot of food, but on the whole, it was pretty gross. Not anything you'd want to eat. So then we thought, "What about at the local grocery store? What do they throw out?"
We drove over to the Jewel Grocery Store and what we found in the garbage bins blew us away. It was all still in its packages, thrown out because its date had expired, but still quite edible. We loaded up the car and began an illustrious career as dumpster divers.
Some nights were better than others, but you could almost always count on finding something. Once we found over $200 worth of frozen shrimp. Usually there were loaves of day-old bread. Sometimes we'd drive away with our car packed to the gills with food. On one occasion we found stacks and stacks of eggs - hundreds of them still in their cartons. Some nights when the haul was great, you returned home feeling like a triumphant conquistador.
For those of us trying to live cheaply at Wheaton College, dumpster diving was a gift. We fed our house of six and a number of other students as well.
It was also an adventure. You never knew who you might encounter as you scrounged in the dumpster - often policemen came cruising by and waved at us. Once word got out about the sort of treasures you could find for free, we had competition from other students.
Of course the world caught up with us. I'm told that these days it's hard to find the kind of food hauls we used to encounter. Afraid of law suits, some stores got fancy trash compactors. But garbage is still a thriving source of livelihood around the world. Everywhere our mission teams go, they minister to those who pick through garbage dumps for scraps. Some people look down their noses at their stinky jobs. I prefer to think of them as guerrilla activists in the green movement - retroactive recyclers keeping the planet clean.
Hard times force people to do what God has always blessed - gleaning is in the Bible, even the disciples did it. Waste not, want not. I'm interested to know - have you had experience with modern day gleaning?
Sometimes, overwhelmed by a tragedy on the scale of the Haiti earthquake, we feel impotent. We ask, "What can I do that would make a difference?"
The fact is, you can make a difference. Over a million people are homeless - they've lost everything. If you'll just take a quick trip to the drug store, you can put together a pack of basic toiletries that will help a Haitian family put their lives back together.
Some of you may want to do one bag and some of you may want to go crazy fill up a duffle bag with these. I have three I'm taking so far on my trip next week. Every survival pack makes a difference to a family. It lets them know that someone cares. And, if you can get it to me by next Thursday*, I'll hand carry it to Haiti and make sure it gets to someone who needs it. Marcia Borg, a nurse who has been to Haiti, put together this list. Here is what to buy:
Pack #1 Adult Pack
Pack the following items in a large (gallon size) Ziploc bag:
1 Toothbrush- in original package, unopened
Toothpaste- 1 large tube-pack it out of its box
Bar of soap- 1 large bath soap
Deodorant- for men or women
1 Disposable Razor- for men's kit only
1 washcloth
1 small hand towel
6 band-aids
3 larger bandages 3x4 or so
Comb- 1 large plastic, not pocket size
Optional items you may add but they must also fit in the Ziploc:
Small pack Tylenol- in original unopened container
Small bottle multivitamins- men's or women's-in original unopened container
Small fingernail clipper- not toenail clipper, no emory board
Pack #2 Baby Pack
Small pack baby wipes (80 or so) - in a soft wrapper, no hard plastic containers
Small package diapers-24 diapers. May open & split packages of diapers.
Small can baby formula 12-14oz
3 pack of baby bottles- with nipples and lids included, BPA free
Package each set of items in a plastic grocery/Wal-Mart type bag
Important: Include a written prayer in your pack meant for the person who will be receiving it. Make sure we get your address and we'll try to get you information about how your survival pack was distributed.
Suggestion: The Dollar Tree (not Dollar General) is a great place to get the most for your money on most of the items for pack #1. Wal-Mart is great for the baby packs. Parent's Choice (Wal-Mart brand) diapers and formula are great.
*Send to: AIM, 6000 Wellspring, Tr., Gainesville, GA 30506
We're all in the process of going from weakness to strength, from wounding to health.
Henri Nouwen understood and exemplified the healing power of weakness. As a Yale professor, he was powerful, but as a volunteer who served the handicapped in L'Arche, he relinquished his power and became a healer. His insights on the subject are profound:
Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people. The main question is not "How can we hide our wounds?" so we don't have to be embarrassed, but "How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?" When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.
Jesus is God's wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed. Jesus' suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love. As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.
To enter into solidarity with a suffering person does not mean that we have to talk with that person about our own suffering. Speaking about our own pain is seldom helpful for someone who is in pain. A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds. When we have lived through a painful depression, we can listen with great attentiveness and love to a depressed friend without mentioning our experience. Mostly it is better not to direct a suffering person's attention to ourselves. We have to trust that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole beings. That is healing.
If you'd like to read more on the subject, I suggest that you get Nouwen's book The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. Actually, Nouwen is one of a few authors that I recommend without reservation. Anything he writes is profound. Two others are Fredrich Buechner and Brennan Manning.
Have you ever been in the midst of something that God was doing - watching it unfold almost in slow motion? You want to hold your breath, because your rational mind says, "What's happening now is supernatural, so don't do anything to mess it up." It's an awesome and holy thing.
Well, that's how I feel about his guidance in our response to the earthquake in Haiti.
Having seen him work powerfully as we responded to other calamities (most recently, Hurricane Katrina), my faith has grown. And so, what's happening now has the smell of familiarity to it. I've got a tingle of recognition - my experience has disarmed my natural cynicism.
Ironically, though Haitians need food, water and medicine, at this point the issue is not supply, it's distribution. The food and the medical supplies pile up on palates on the Port-au-Prince docks, but it's not getting in the mouths and bodies of those who need it. We need networks of people we trust and we need trucks that get stuff to the people.
So, along with a lot of other NGOs, AIM staff have been looking and
looking for a trustworthy network of pastors through which we can distribute donations. They are out there, eager to be a part of God's answer to Haiti's crisis. God just needs to connect us.
It
turns out there is one church of 10,000 members with perhaps the
strongest reputation for holistic ministry in Port-au-Prince. Located in
Carrefour (epicenter of the earthquake), Gospel Light Chapel is an
independent church that has been leading the way in reaching out to the
community and connecting many other churches.
Last Sunday, 500
people accepted Christ at their service. They are seeing revival. And we were asking the question, "How can we connect with a church like this?" Usually it might take months of networking.
Frankly, where I'm at now, Gainesville, GA, is a remote place from which to network. But this week God showed off. Would you believe that the manager of the company that does our mailings here in Gainesville is married to the son of the pastor of
Gospel Light Chapel? He's Jimmy Maisonneuve and he grew up in this
church. This week they showed up in our office to offer their help.
They couldn't be more excited about the partnership. After calling his father, the church is throwing open their doors to house us and help us. And this morning Jimmy and his wife Brooks Anne felt God calling them to join us in presenting our vision of uniting the pastors in re-fathering their nation to the churches of Port-au-Prince. It's all God's grace and his plan. It's his chariot racing by, and I've gotten caught up in it's wheels.
So, I'm holding my breath. I'm on the edge of my seat watching God work. I have vowed not to sin through unbelief. Miracles are unfolding in real time as grim reality sees the kingdom come. Stay tuned and watch God show off.
In a week, Clint and I are taking a team of
bloggers to Haiti's ground zero, Carrefour. We've been invited by the pastors there to partner with them in rebuilding their country. Everyday, we'll be sharing Haiti's stories with you and bringing dignity to the people who lived them in the process.
We're thrilled by the quality of the team. They are key influencers in the world of youth ministry. Together we have the opportunity to share with the Church how we can make a difference in Haiti. Please follow their blogs as they chronicle their journey:
To follow the group's preparations and updates, visit: facebook.com/ymath
Marko summarizes our purpose well in his blog yesterday:
there's plenty - really, plenty - to be stoked about:
- i got to be a part of organizing this awesome group of youth
ministry bloggers to go on this trip. i actually conceived the trip;
and, knowing my friends at adventures in missions,
was keenly aware that they would do what they do best: mobilize quickly
and responsibly to host groups in response to the worst disasters.
within a day or two of the earthquake, i was thinking to myself, "youth
groups, and other church groups, are going to want to go to haiti in
the next 6 months. that's great. but it could be really horribly; or it
could be a tangible blessing to haiti." and it dawned on me that it
might be a good idea to take a group of blogging youth workers as an
"advance team", to experience a trip to haiti right now, and report
back to the broader youth ministry community with stories and input.
and that's what we're doing!
i've been a fan of this organization for a long time now. i went with
aim on the 2nd missions trip i ever took kids on, back in about 1990. i
got to know their staff (particularly their founder and director, seth
barnes), and i grew to deeply appreciate their approach. i even served
on their board for 5 years, and brought my own dad onto the board also.
aim has the combination of deep and biblical theology (when it comes to
missions) as well as a practical expertise that's so essential for
trips like this.
So, please bookmark some of the links above - I hope you join us!
Em Griffin was one of my favorite professors in college, but he said something that caused me a lot of heartache. Karen had a boyfriend for four years before meeting me. She was wrestling through what to do with that relationship when she started falling for me.
Perplexed, she heard Griffin make the point in a lecture that "opposites attract." She thought to herself, "Seth and I are alike in a lot of ways, and this other guy and I are opposites." Armed with that thought, when the guy proposed, she said, "yes."
Fortunately after a month of thinking it through some more, she broke off the relationship and I didn't waste any time in showing her that whatever anyone else said, we were meant to be together (if you'd like to read the story of our relationship, here it is).
Because we now have five children of marriageable age, this issue of opposites attracting is once more a hot topic in the Barnes home. In what way do they attract? Well, first of all, couples need to match up in some important ways. Value systems and goals should be similar. That's what the Bible means when it says, "Don't be unequally yoked." If your purpose in living is to please God and bring his kingdom, you want a mate who is similarly committed. If, for example, you embrace a lifestyle of simplicity and adventure, a materialistic spouse will frustrate you.
Experts are divided. "I don't really think opposites do attract," says
William Ickes, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at
Arlington and author of Empathic Accuracy. Jean Lawrence in this article on WebMD cited some significant ways people can be alike or
opposite?
Physical attractiveness. "I think we seek a certain level of
attractiveness similar to our own," Ickes says. "The Beast looks for
Beauty, not the other way around." If unattractive people pursue attractive
people, they are not as likely to be successful.
Money. If you have zero dollars, you may aspire "to hook up with
a mate who's loaded," Ickes says, "but what is the chance this person
is interested in you?"
Desire for children. If the desire for a family is a source of
contention, similarity of desire might be better, Ickes says.
Religion. "I know some successful mixed marriages," Ickes
says. "If you respect and tolerate the differences and don't use the kids
as pawns, you can choose your own [spiritual] path."
Class. "How often do you see an aristocrat marry a commoner in
real life?" Ickes asks. "That's so rare you only see it in the
movies."
Education. "Educated people do not tend to marry stupid
people," Ickes says. "But uneducated people can be smart. You need to
be able to talk, interact, and share world views."
But when you look at temperament, find for someone who completes you. Looking at the four scales of the Myers/Briggs test, extroverts often do better with introverts. Two very quiet people may come to resent the silence in their relationship. And feelers often need thinkers to sort through issues in a more practical way. Similarly, unstructured people often need someone who is more task-oriented in their lives and task-oriented people need someone who brings the party.
Whoever the love of your life is, my advice is to celebrate the differences between you. Abandon the Pygmalion Project - guys, you will never make her into My Fair Lady. And women, your man doesn't want you to turn him into a project. After all, if both of you were to be the same, one of you would be unnecessary.
I've always tried to make the office a fun place. When we first moved to Gainesville, my coworker Erin Drew perpetually instigated rubber band wars. We were an active, fun bunch. We worked hard and played hard.
More recently, our Gainesville office has tilted too far to the serious-focused side of things. We've needed more life. Some days I wondered if the DNA had been irretrievably diluted as my role changed and I've spent more time on the road.
But then a delightful thing has happened - people have started taking the place back. The atmosphere has become light again. Small, surprising things have happened; for example, the accounting dept. and the HR dept. started collaborating to bring fun into the place. They went crazy over Christmas, holding a contest among departments to see who could best decorate their office area. And they've organized lots of small things as well (i.e. a puppy shower for Asha).
As I type, World Race reunions are taking place somewhere in the office. Shrieks of delight are erupting. Over in the development dept. they are laughing and talking. Yes, it's distracting, but it's also energizing. There's life and community.
In the middle of the recession we're in, a lot of workplaces are negative places. Too often they look like a scene out of The Office or Dilbert. Most people don't particularly like their workplace. Some things I've learned about creating a positive environment:
1. Hire happy people. You don't want negative people discouraging folks.
2. Give them space. Major on the majors - don't over-control.
3. Empower others. Find the people who like to have fun and give them a budget and responsibility.
4. Celebrate often. Look for chances to break up the monotony of office work.
5. Pray together. If you cultivate an atmosphere of prayer, inviting God into the workplace, stuff happens.
* * * * * * * *
Our staff Christmas party was a good example of the organic way that things work around here. I can't decorate to save my life. But we've got some wonderfully talented staff. They decided to decorate our training center and do the party there. Connie Rock has a great decorating touch. Tara Tankersley used to be a caterer and oversaw the food. And Toya Mac has had her own wedding planning business, so she planned things.
Kristen Torres-Toro documented the Christmas festivities in her pictures (from this blog).
This is one of the centerpieces. St. Francis is pointing the way to the food. :0)
Part of the room before it was finished:
Tara's olive penguins. SO COOL!
Okay, my second favorite photo:
Another incredible centerpiece:
Part of the food table. Tara is an artist with food. Connie's centerpiece is out of this world.
The tree with presents in front of it...
Okay, so here are all the people enjoying it!
Proof I was actually there, a picture with my wonderful friend, Connie Rock.
Kristen and Connie celebrating a job well done. The decorations are gone, but the memories still linger!
One of the surprising things about this blog has been the sense of virtual community it has fostered. Many of us first connected through the blog, but then went much deeper in a variety ways beyond the blog. For example, we've formed online discipleship group for men and for women that help their members learn how to hear God's voice. Heidi Landes write the following about her experience: .
Last summer, I signed up to be part of an online discipleship group through thisblog. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I just knew that I was craving community and challenge with other women. Kathy Lucas was the leader for this first group, and soon we began the introductions (over email) of 8 women from all over. Our ages, backgrounds and experiences varied widely. We set out to go through the book Listening Prayer and agreed to do a conference call and emails each week.
So... the first four weeks of conference calls. It was awkward and a little hard to share personal things with complete strangers. At that point, I was committed to finish the book and then just be done with this whole online discipleship thing.
But around week 5... something started to change. As we started to get to know each other and became more honest about things God was saying to us, we were amazed to find out He was saying similar things to each of us! Over the next month or so, we committed to more prayer for each other, and God truly knit our hearts together. I could tell something had happened when I was facing a major life decision in December and my first response was to email this group and ask for prayers of wisdom, because I knew they would do it!
By the end of our first book, we had a core of 5-6 women, and we decided to continue on with another book to study. I also then felt God prompting me to share this with others, so I invited some friends and launched another women's listening prayer group with 8 new women. That group has communicated solely over email, but has been an encouragement and challenge to me as well.
Now... the good news is that God is multiplying this movement! Of the first two groups, two women have launched new groups with their friends, and three more are ready to start new listening prayer groups for women who are looking for discipleship.
The leaders of the new groups are excited to lead women in seeking the Kingdom first! Each new group will determine if they will primarily use email, conference calls or a mixture of both for their communication.
Six months after I signed up for that first group, I now have two groups of Christian sisters around the country. I often forget that I have never even met many of these women face to face because they are some of my strongest supporters in life! Together we are encouraging each other to seek Christ and His Kingdom first, and growing together in what that really means. Although the official group study has ended, the relationships are just beginning, and I can't wait to see where God leads us next as we make plans to meet and share in ministry together in person!
For any women out there who desire to go deeper with God and other women, I highly recommend that you sign up here and try it today!
If you're interested, please click the "Need Discipleship" button above and someone will give you more information. Or, feel free to email me. We promise this thing is low key and human.It's designed to connect you to people like yourself and to God.
Wes Nelson: "Pic 1 - I don't think this mail-order bride thing is all it was cracked up to be."
Photo Caption Contest Rules:
1. Add a caption as a comment.
2. It can be a "title" for the photo, or a "comment" made my someone or something in the photo.
3. The winner is selected by me.
4. The prize for winning is our gratitude for your wit.
Dave Hain
33 years ago I began recycling garbage. I don't know if we helped invent dumpster diving, but David and I were the first ones I ever knew to do it. Here's the story.
Sometimes, overwhelmed by a tragedy on the scale of the Haiti earthquake, we feel impotent. We ask, "What can I do that would make a difference?" 
Pack #2 Baby Pack
We're all in the process of going from weakness to strength, from wounding to health.
Have you ever been in the midst of something that God was doing - watching it unfold almost in slow motion? You want to hold your breath, because your rational mind says, "What's happening now is supernatural, so don't do anything to mess it up." It's an awesome and holy thing. 
Em Griffin was one of my favorite professors in college, but he said something that caused me a lot of heartache. Karen had a boyfriend for four years before meeting me. She was wrestling through what to do with that relationship when she started falling for me.
I've always tried to make the office a fun place. When we first moved to Gainesville, my coworker Erin Drew perpetually instigated rubber band wars. We were an active, fun bunch. We worked hard and played hard.
Last summer, I signed up to be part of an online discipleship group through thisblog. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I just knew that I was craving community and challenge with other women. Kathy Lucas was the leader for this first group, and soon we began the introductions (over email) of 8 women from all over. Our ages, backgrounds and experiences varied widely. We set out to go through the book Listening Prayer and agreed to do a conference call and emails each week.
